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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26562418">COMDEX '90 (Joe) (Nov 16 1990)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmoneili/pseuds/Salmoneili'>Salmoneili</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Halt and Catch Fire</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Baby girls and stiffies - nothing bad I promise, But I can be pretty inventive in making you come ..., Can't come as often as I used too, F/M, Hotel Sex, Inappropriate Erections, Stolen night with married Cam, breadcrumbs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-20</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 09:47:07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>30,228</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26562418</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Salmoneili/pseuds/Salmoneili</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>COMDEX '90 (Cam) part 1, COMDEX '90 (Joe) part 2 - same night, different POV<br/>After S3E09 – November 1990<br/>PART 2: Joe is traveling home after an epic night re-connecting with Cam.<br/>Includes reflections on significant past events in his life, for starters, his take on what happened in the bar when they first met and how they ended up having sex in a backroom.<br/>S1-S3 and sets up the meeting in S3E10.<br/>Credit - events in Joe's past (school incidents) inspired by RaymondShaw's excellent story 'Logic Error' check-it out, if you haven't already - it helped me get my smut on!<br/>#mysecondsmut (but based on the first)<br/></p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Cameron Howe/Joe MacMillan</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ... [7]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1929043</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. The Morning After - Cam's Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The second one I wrote, oddily starting in the middle, but them etting back together, albeit illicitly was sooo good. I literally screamed at the screen when I first saw it.<br/>I found tougher initially to write from Joe's POV, but obviously got over that as it's longer ...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 1</p><p>(Nov 16th, 1990 - the morning after – Cam’s hotel room – 9.08 a.m.) </p><p>Joe stirred feeling a warm glow, in part from the bright morning sun, streaming in from the large window in Cam’s hotel room, and in part from his partial erection.</p><p>Still half asleep, his hand automatically slipped down to cup himself. He jolted awake as soon as he felt the dried residue from the night before, and he remembered the previous day, he remembered ... Vegas … COMDEX … Cam …</p><p>The bed was empty, and the room was silent, he half-rose and confirmed what he already knew; that she’d left. </p><p>Her plane ticket and passport were gone, along with her clothing and suitcase.</p><p>His heart sank and he checked his watch. She’d still be at the airport, but he wouldn’t chase her even if there had been more time.</p><p>Goddamn it, Cam.</p><p>He’d wanted to say goodbye, to look at her one last time and to kiss her again, imprint himself on her before she left him again. </p><p>He greedily wanted more time than part of the day and night that he’d just had.</p><p>Would he ever be able to get enough of her?</p><p>He lay back, exhaled, and closed his eyes. </p><p>He could already feel the familiar ache for her again, it had lessened all the time she’d been out of his life. But now that scab was ripped off and it felt deeper than ever.</p><p>It’d been just so great seeing her again, being with her again, loving her again.</p><p>He’d come to see her, to reconnect, only wanting her friendship again, after so many years estranged.</p><p>That’s what he told himself anyway.</p><p>He’d never imagined he would end up in bed with her.</p><p>However, much he’d wanted it. </p><p>She was married, she’d chosen someone else. </p><p>Not that it meant he didn’t want her to be happy.</p><p>He just didn’t think that meant with him; they’d tried it once and it had ended ... badly.</p><p>But enough time had passed, they could be just friends now, couldn’t they? </p><p>He’d tried to bury his feelings for her, losing himself both in his work and in the occasional love interest or random encounter. </p><p>The latter had started with a vengeance after Sara divorced him and he found success with MacMillan Utility.</p><p>Sara’d had left him citing his feelings for Cam, even though Cam'd wanted nothing to do with him back then and had ruthlessly sabotaged him and his father-in-law’s company.</p><p>He went back to how he'd been before he met her, using people, and playing power games. </p><p>But he knew it was destructive.</p><p>The brief solace he found in the arms of others, both men and women, was always tainted by what he’d had, and lost, with her.</p><p>Mostly, he tired of them straight away, they just weren’t authentic. </p><p>He didn’t have the energy for hangers-on any more. </p><p>Well, he never really had, he'd always been more of a loner.</p><p>Occasionally, someone would come along who he thought might have potential to replace her in his heart.</p><p>He’d be happy for a moment, but he wouldn’t make the same mistake in thinking they were the source, as he had with Sara. </p><p>Whoever they were, they'd stick around for a little while, enjoying being in his sphere of influence. </p><p>He knew that they were more attracted to his infamy and his wealth, than to him.</p><p>For self-protection, he walled himself up, as he had before her, and wouldn’t share himself with them.</p><p>Usually they’d leave when they realised that there was no loving him.</p><p>That he'd never love them back.</p><p>He couldn’t, they weren’t her.</p><p>He’d found the hook-ups less and less satisfying, especially after Ryan’s death. </p><p>It’d changed him irreversibly, there was the Joe before December 19th, 1986 and the Joe after. </p><p>He had even less energy for other people and all their baggage. </p><p>All of their bullshit.</p><p>He’d become practically monastic.</p><p>He’d never really enjoyed the regular parties that seemed to get thrown when he was CEO of MacMillan Utility, feeling at best like he was just a voyeur, or at worst some grinning puppet, used to drum up more clients or appease the stakeholders.  </p><p>Ryan’s death just meant he didn’t need to pretend any more.</p><p>He thought about seeing Cam at the Atari stand yesterday. He’d watched her from a far while deciding whether to join the queue or to just leave, despite coming all this way, the stark reality of seeing her hit him.</p><p>His doubt had nothing to do with her reaction to him, she’d moved on, and she was doing well. </p><p>He instinctively wondered whether it would cause him more harm than good, opening up and rubbing salt in old wounds.</p><p>He weighed up his options, he was here, she was here, who knew when she’d be back State side again? </p><p>He knew that ultimately, he’d regret letting this opportunity pass him by if he didn’t at least speak to her and then he could just go home again.</p><p>He felt the disk in his pocket and smiled, it had been another touchstone for him over the years, a reminder that he wasn’t infallible.</p><p>She seemed happy to chat to fans, who saw her as some kind of cult figure. </p><p>He was pleased, he’d known for a long time how exceptional she was, creating something from nothing was her special gift. She deserved to be admired by more people. </p><p>OK then, he'd say hello, he decided, and he joined the back of the queue.</p><p>He could feel the excitement of people lining up, mostly a mix of teenagers and early twenty-somethings. </p><p>The games market had exploded in recent years with the various home consoles vying for the market, demanding more edgier tech and innovations to feed the insatiable demand.</p><p>He’d already played Space Bike IV.</p><p>He had all of Cam’s games, following her career from afar.</p><p>While it had more layers than the previous version, it was more challenging and of course it had better graphics, there wasn’t anything else remarkable about it. </p><p>It wasn’t innovative.</p><p>He thought that it was in danger of turning into another Parallax, the flagship game from Mutiny, just level after endless level, that ultimately gamers got bored with the format long before they finished the game.</p><p>At the end of the day, he knew how these things went, for Atari, and all the big companies of their ilk, the growing numbers of game creators were sucked dry feeding the insatiable appetite of the big machine. If they didn't adapt, the company just moved on to the next fresh host. They were replaceable.</p><p>He wondered just how much she’d had to change from her original vision, and at what personal cost. </p><p>She was obviously better at dealing with all that now, he thought ruefully.</p><p>One of the reasons that their relationship hadn’t lasted was she just hadn’t understood that sometimes you had to lose the battle to win the war. You had to play the long game. </p><p>Ironic that she created games for a living, but she hadn’t applied it to herself. </p><p>Well, that was Cam of seven years ago anyway. He knew she’d changed a lot since then. </p><p>They both had, it was how they'd survived.</p><p>He'd regretted the necessity of taking her OS out of the Giant, but she couldn’t see it back then that they’d needed to get it onto the market first, get some much needed capital behind them. Then maybe phase II could have been her vision, or even an improved version of it. </p><p>It'd been ahead of its time, the market still wasn't there now.</p><p>He often wondered how different that future would've been. If they'd have put it out there, would it have changed the future? Would all machines have interactive OSs now?</p><p> He didn't think so.</p><p>They’d had some serious competition in the rip-off portable produced by Donna’s ex-boss and Cardiff’s ex-employee, so they’d had to act fast. Gordon had been the one to see it and had done what was neccessary, but the Giant wasn’t the vision he’d hoped it was going to be. </p><p>And then there was Apple-fucking-Mackintosh’s talking OS … and even that hadn't become the standard. Just a show piece.</p><p>He sighed, well, it was all ancient history now.</p><p>But it was why he’d torched the first shipment, it wasn’t inspirational, innovative enough, it wasn’t the thing that would get them to the thing.</p><p>He’d failed.</p><p>Well that, and that she’d left him, wounding him with her anger and breaking him in the process.</p><p>More ancient history.</p><p>He pushed the thought away, and the feelings that always came back up.</p><p>Her games were a lot more elegant than others on the market. Sure, he was biased, but while others churned out one banal ‘shoot ‘em up’ after another, her games were a lot more cerebral.</p><p>Unfortunately, that only had a limited appeal on the mass market. The majority of people were sheep, just following what they were told was popular.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>'HACF: Cam and Joe are just messing me up ...' Series Notes<br/>This all started with a simple idea to expand on the night of COMDEX 90 from Cam’s POV and then flipping it for Joe’s.<br/>Well, I got more than a little carried away… and they turned into epics.<br/>Then I wanted to explore their relationship over the 4 seasons and beyond (because I just didn't get why the writers couldn't let them have a happy ending).<br/>So, it's grown and is still growing. I've written and expanded on my favourite scenes, jumping around the various seasons and this has given an interesting perspective on where they both started to where they've ended up. Parts of stories have become their shared histories and quirks.<br/>All the fics follow the HACF's timeline, but with a bit of creative license about events only referred to.<br/>Exceptions<br/>- plot deviation when Cam and Tom tried for a baby<br/>- post-Ryan's suicide, Joe's apartment is in San Jose not San Francisco<br/>The series is pretty racy – mostly Mature only, maybe could even be Explicit in places (sex only). You have been warned.<br/>Some parts have a sprinkling of Easter eggs for other Lee Pace characters from TV shows and movies.<br/>Feeding my obsession.<br/>These are the current list, and I’ll upload more parts as I finish them.<br/>So far there’s …<br/>S1 - ‘Stuck’ (June 1983) and ‘Curious’ (Oct 1983) (in progress)<br/>S2 – NEW as of Jan 2021! ‘Goddammit’ (June 1985)<br/>S3 – NEW as of Mar 2021! ‘Surprise (Joe)’ (Aug 1986), ‘Surprise (Cam)’ (Oct 1986– in progress), ‘COMDEX 90 (Cam)’, ‘COMDEX 90 (Joe)’ Friday, Nov 16 1990<br/>S4 – NEW as of Jan 2021! 'Segue' (Oct 1992) and ‘Phone Call’ (Mid-Oct 1993)<br/>Post-canon – ‘Fate - Part 1' (March 1998), ‘Fate - Part 2' (March 1998), NEW as of Feb 2021! 'Snippets' (A collection of shorts post-Fate (Post-March 1998) in progress)<br/>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------<br/>Lovely HACF fandom and readers - I would much appreciate some feedback and/or kudos.<br/>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Cam's Hotel Room - Part 2 (Reflections On A Past Life)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 2</p><p>He rolled over and buried his head in her pillow, inhaling deeply. </p><p>He was instantly taken back to another time and place by her scent.</p><p>Jesus, he missed her so much. </p><p>It was physically painful.</p><p>He thought of last night and earlier that morning, and he felt his cock start to swell.</p><p>Interesting … he rolled back on his side to touch himself, it was true what he’d told her about coming again and that meaning the end of at least penetrative sex. </p><p>Unfortunately, age played a cruel trick on men.</p><p>When had he last come? Probably around 2 or 2.30? So about 6 ½-7 hours ago? And that had been the second time, in a relatively short space of time, he wasn’t sure but maybe there’d been about an hour or just over between his first and second orgasms.</p><p>He hadn’t expected that he’d be able to come twice, or so quickly … and he was surprised that he was hardening again now without any additional manipulation. </p><p>He’d read that depth of desire, the emotional side could increase the physical response, along with heavy stimulation, but this was his first time experiencing it. </p><p>He’d noticed his refractory period had been steadily increasing since turning 40. </p><p>He’d experimented and knew that it usually took him a couple of hours to get another erection nowadays. Not that there weren’t any other ways to give and receive pleasure, and he could be pretty inventive, when motivated anyway.</p><p>He was glad that he’d developed the habit of reading as a kid. Books were full of such interesting information … </p><p>He’d been able to try out a few new things with her last night. He allowed himself to enjoy the sensations as he replayed various images.</p><p>OK, OK, stop, stop, this wasn’t the time or place to jack off, he had to get back home. Besides, she would’ve checked out and one of the hotel’s cleaning staff could come in.</p><p>He looked to the door, but he didn’t see the ‘Do not disturb’ sign hanging on the handle. He assumed she’d left it outside, where she’d put when they it got back last night. That would probably mean he was safe, but he still wouldn’t risk it.</p><p>He got up and went to the room’s desk, opening the hotel information to find out the check-out time … hmmm 11.00 a.m. … generous.</p><p>There was plenty of time for a shower. After that, he’d collect his overnight bag before heading to the airport and getting on the next available flight. He could be home by late afternoon if he was lucky.</p><p>He rescued his clothes from the floor where they’d been hastily discarded and put them carefully on the bed. His tee-shirt and pants were annoyingly creased, but he was pleased when he spied a pant press on the wall. That was something at least.</p><p>He smiled and thought how she’d always mocked his obsession with tidiness. Although, from his perspective he wished she thought more about it.</p><p>As if to prove his point, he shook his head upon entering the bathroom. He automatically put her discarded towels back on the rail and threw a couple of plastic wrappers from the complimentary toiletries from the wide sink into the garbage. </p><p>How hard was that? </p><p>He even scooped up a dirty tissue laying by the trash can, had she tried to throw it in and missed? </p><p>Jesus, Cam … </p><p>It both irked him and made him wistful, knowing that she hadn’t changed.</p><p>It was then that he caught his reflection and saw the evidence of their night of passion.</p><p>Fuck …</p><p>There was a big hickey at the base of his neck ... and another on his collarbone ... </p><p>What were they 15? Thank God he had his scarf.</p><p>The bathroom’s mirrored tiles meant he could survey his back; she hadn’t drawn blood but there were deep gouges and some longer scratches on his shoulders, triceps and over his back.</p><p>Jesus, she'd been relentless.</p><p>He perversely liked that he’d have a physical reminder for the next few days. </p><p>It was proof that it had happened and that it wasn’t just a figment of his imagination.</p><p>He gingerly touched a long one on his lower back, pressing into it until he felt the sting of pain. </p><p>He thought about her fingers making it in the heat of passion.</p><p>When they’d been together before, they’d enjoyed marking each other, walking the line between pleasure and pain.</p><p>She’d got progressively more vicious when he goaded her, and she realised that he liked it. He’d welcomed it, maybe as some perverse punishment or to feel something, he hadn’t known which.</p><p>He suddenly had a vision of Cam, eyes closed and mouth open in a perfect ‘O’, bucking against violently him as she climaxed. It made him catch his breath and put his hand out on the wall to steady himself.</p><p>It was true what he’d told her, he loved watching her come, how she lost herself in pure physical abandon, screaming his name.</p><p>The knowledge that it was his actions that made her beg for more, made him feel powerful.</p><p>She wanted him.</p><p>The feeling was addictive.</p><p>He closed his eyes and flicked through the new bank of images of her writhing in ecstasy under him. </p><p>He swallowed thickly.</p><p>He got in the shower and purposefully turned on the cold to full blast, crying out in shock. </p><p>So, it was true, cold showers really did work. </p><p>It helped to chase the final remnants of sleep away as well.</p><p>He turned up the heat. </p><p>He automatically picked up the small shampoo bottle that was lying in the bottom of the shower. He placed it back on the shelf and grabbed the soap.</p><p>Cameron … he silently admonished her.</p><p>He’d been conditioned into tidying in his early teens while living in the care of his father, Joe MacMillan Senior, who had become accustomed to it himself through his years of service in the Navy.</p><p>It was just the two of them, not counting the ever-changing procession of housekeepers-cum-nannies that basically raised him after his mother ‘died’ when he was 11. </p><p>Home had to be ‘spic and span’ and always ready for inspection, he had a long list of chores that his father insisted he did himself. </p><p>Instead of rebelling against his father’s strictness, he’d done them. He’d tried to be a ‘good son’. </p><p>He’d wanted his father’s approval.</p><p>Over the years, Joe’d found he liked the order of it, and it’d become ingrained. </p><p>Maybe it was the only way he’d been able to have any control in his life, then and now.</p><p>Perhaps he’d even taken it too far, hoping his father would notice and finally give him some much needed praise. </p><p>But he only ever got negative comments, pushing him to try harder and harder.</p><p>The other thing his father had insisted on was a neat and tidy appearance, which was also from the military. </p><p>Joe had learned that how you presented yourself mattered. It was definitely true in the business world. So, being useful, he’d kept that as well.</p><p>His teenage years were pretty awful, he’d shot up quickly and was awkward and gangly. </p><p>He was sorely lacking in social skills too, in part because of the accident and the long hospitalisation, but also as his father, still in active service, was away for long periods of time. He found it easier to keep to himself at school.</p><p>His mother dying, or so he thought, was a major event that deeply affected his younger self. His father hadn’t let him attend her ‘funeral’, telling him he was concerned it would have an adverse effect on his gradually improving health. </p><p>Besides, he’d still been in a hospital bed. His sadness had nearly overwhelmed him.</p><p>He’d been in a bad way, physically for a long time, he always suspected that the loss of his mother had greatly hindered his recovery.</p><p>He had to mourn her all over again 23 years later, when his father finally told him the truth after she actually had died.</p><p>For the second time, he missed her funeral.</p><p>The knowledge that he could’ve had more time with her, so much more time, a whole lifetime’s worth, cut him to his core.</p><p>He was sent dangerously out of control by the destructive rage at his father for preventing it and lying to him.</p><p>But ultimately, his retaliation had been easy, just putting a hole in a water main and letting time do the rest.</p><p>Leaving everything he'd known, the safety and security of the faux IBM 'family', had been harder.</p><p>His mother had been the major influence in his formative years. Perhaps, it was the lack the of a father figure, but Joe was shy and even early on had been a target of the other little boys. He avoided them, despite desperately wanting to join them and their rough and tumble games, but they loved to torment him and make him cry. </p><p>Maybe she’d coddled him too much, feeling abandoned by her husband herself. More likely, he was always going to be 'different.’ </p><p>Joe was ‘mommy's special little helper,’ and it’d been the two of them against the world. </p><p>He wondered how different his life would’ve with her loving influence.</p><p>After she’d died, he found out more about her, she’d been an aspiring academic, who’d been swept off her feet by a debonair Naval officer. Then too quickly married and suddenly with a baby to care for. Out of frustration and loneliness, she got involved in the beatnik culture that pre-dated the hippie and anti-war movement.</p><p>She found a kind of kinship there and was determined that her son would value love and freedom and encouraged him to dream big. She’d begun to see Joe Sr as part of the establishment and was glad that his career kept him away for long periods of time.</p><p>As a kid, he hadn’t realised that their marriage was already over well before his accident. Both of them were pulled in different directions and weren’t willing to meet each other halfway. They had kept up the appearance of a happy marriage for his sake. </p><p>But desperately unhappy, his mother had embraced the movement’s liberal attitude to the drugs that had become increasingly available as a coping mechanism. It’d been her downfall and had led to his.</p><p>Even as a small boy, Joe'd felt his father’s disapproval every time he returned home. He’d tried to be excited about the things his father valued, such as learning how to pitch and hit a homerun in their yard, but he hadn’t been very co-ordinated and it usually ended badly for both of them. </p><p>He didn’t know that it was how Joe Sr had bonded with his own father. His father didn’t know how to deal with his obviously effeminate son, who was more like his beautiful, but fragile and damaged wife.</p><p>His father blamed his mother for ‘turning his son soft.’ He focused on her influence rather than his own absence.</p><p>It'd been another nail in the coffin of their marriage.</p><p>Baseball and other sports became even more challenging to Joe after his injuries. But Joe had persevered at first to please his father, and later to try and blend in with everyone else at school. </p><p>Then he realised sport helped him get stronger and he was better able to defend himself. </p><p>Later, it helped him to become one of the ones giving out the beatings, but he tried not to think about that.</p><p>The only genuine thing that interested both father and son was technology and the innovations of the space race. </p><p>His father had been involved in the early days of IBM, being part of the Navy’s team of testing the new technology to gain advantage over any potential threat, Soviet or otherwise.</p><p>As a vulnerable teen, Joe’d sorely needed the love and support from his one remaining parent, but the connection had never been made and it would never be easy between them.</p><p>Then when Joe was 17, his father was sent to Vietnam in the very first wave of US involvement.</p><p>His father was a real man’s man, which was natural after his long naval career. The war affected him more than he cared to let on and he closed himself down to avoid losing himself in all the atrocities he'd witnessed.</p><p>The great tragedy was that father and son were both hurting and weren’t able to give each other any comfort. </p><p>Instead they built walls around themselves.</p><p>In the preceding years, Joe'd felt increasingly isolated and had confusing and shameful urges. </p><p>The world was a very different place back then, he was systematically bullied at school. There was no one he could turn to for support, no teacher or school counsellor. </p><p>He learned the hard way and had to toughen up and hide himself in plain sight. </p><p>After puberty, he started to grow into his lanky frame more, it helped change how he was perceived for the better.  </p><p>He’d had a lot of girlfriends in the last few years of high school and in college. It helped him fit in and worked as a cover for clandestine hook ups with boys of a similar persuasion. </p><p>He didn’t stay with the same person for long, with other boys, there was too much outward disapproval and internal mistrust. With girls, it came down to a lack of commonality, and 'going steady' wasn’t what most of the straight boys were doing either.</p><p>Although, there’d been a couple of times when he’d really liked a girl and had actually been faithful, albeit for a few weeks. But he found it hard to make a genuine connection. </p><p>Not that having a different idea of sexuality wasn’t still hard, and he thought about people coming out now, at least they had it easier in 1990. </p><p>Thank God the archaic homosexual laws had been changed. Attitudes were changing and things were slowly getting better. </p><p>Joe’d watched most of the annual Pride Parades since living in SF and had marvelled at their growth year on year.</p><p>He never spoke about his sexual inclinations with his father growing up. It just wasn’t something that was done back then. </p><p>Although, he hadn’t needed to, Joe Sr had been around enough men to understand what his son was. </p><p>He’d just never known how to relate to him and so he took the coward’s way out, saying nothing. He’d been grateful every time he went back to sea and later to the offices of IBM. Work he understood, and it was a lot easier than his complicated son.</p><p>His way of atoning had been to get Joe a job at IBM straight out of college and indulge him that way. </p><p>Not that Joe hadn’t proved himself and got results, just his methods leaned to the decidedly ruthless. </p><p>Joe Snr had been surprised at his transformation, believing it was the good school and teachers, who had finally got through to him.</p><p>He never knew the truth, that Joe'd had to change because of what he was.</p><p>It was small wonder that Joe had a hard time connecting with people. It wasn’t as if he’d had a good role model.</p><p>His father didn’t know how to express his love. Joe Snr’s father had never shown it to him, it wasn’t the done thing and the damage inflicted by generations past continued on to the next one.</p><p>As an adult, his relationship with his father had got better although it took its sweet time, but the more he understood about parenting, actually through Gordon and his daughters, the more he realized it wasn’t as black and white as he’d thought growing up. </p><p>He’d tried to imagine what he’d have done in his father’s place, finding out that his wife had almost killed his only child and suspected her of corrupting him beyond repair. </p><p>He hoped he’d have had the courage to have been more understanding and more loving.</p><p>Ahhh fucking life, fucking Fate ... he thought.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0003"><h2>3. Cam's Hotel Room - Part 3 (A Bread Crumb)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 3</p><p>He washed his hair with the shampoo, Cam's shampoo, and was reminded of smelling her hair all over again. He stood there and his traitorous mind thought of her showering a few hours before ... naked with trails of laver all over her body ... But in his mind's eye it was '83 Cam who he saw, recalling the numerous times they'd fucked in the shower in his apartment in Dallas.</p><p>His cock twitched and he was surprised again at the strength of his physical response. </p><p>Wow … he hadn't been this horny for a long time. </p><p>It still astounded him the way she affected him, no-one else had ever got to him in the same way.</p><p>He briefly considered giving in to his desire there and then, reasoning that if he did, he’d definitely avoid any unexpected boners while traveling home … no, no, no, he was stronger than that.</p><p>He turned the hot water up until it was almost burning, and he let the water soak into his tired muscles. It was so hot that he couldn’t think of anything else, including her.</p><p>The water got into the scratches and made the raw skin burn white hot, purifying and cleaning them, he stood there and bore it as long as he could, hoping it would have the same effect on the deep gouge she’d left in his soul too.</p><p>He turned it down to a more manageable temperature and was glad for once that his penis had lost its former hardness.</p><p>Now if he could only stop thinking about her and the night … until he got back to the privacy of his own home anyway. </p><p>Getting out of her hotel room would be a good start.</p><p>After his shower, he unwrapped one pf the complimentary toothbrushes, and squeezed out the single serve toothpaste provided. He was reminded of the first time she'd slept together at his place in Dallas. </p><p>He wondered if she ever thought about it, when she'd used his toothbrush. He'd made a big deal out if it, which ended up pissing her off.</p><p>It made him smile.</p><p>He went back to the bedroom, switching on the press as he went to get his pants. It was then he spotted the small fold of paper pushed under the door. He didn’t know how he’d missed it before.</p><p>His heart flipped as he recognised her handwriting on the hotel notepaper:</p><p>	Joe,</p><p>        Read the fax - MAYBE it’s the THING!!</p><p>        5 – 2  WOW!!!  I win!!!!!!! </p><p>        Cx</p><p>He smirked at the second line and couldn’t stop a re-run of her shuddering beneath him from appearing again.</p><p>He pushed it away and focused instead at her use of multiple exclamation marks, it’d been a comment of his long ago; he’d said that more than one was a sign of madness and she’d retorted that of course he would know.</p><p>She'd remembered ...</p><p>He studied the second line and shook his head, counting, three and seven? Seven, really? </p><p>He figured it’d meant she was really pleased with the night and was just teasing him.</p><p>He stopped and stared at the C with its small x, trying to figure out if it was meant in affection or something more. He felt the flutter of butterflies in the pit of his stomach. </p><p>God, grow up, he berated himself.</p><p>Then he re-read the first line, what did it mean? </p><p>Hmmm … exclamation marks and in capitals, not very subtle, Cam. </p><p>He didn’t understand why she would have left the room and then written it … </p><p>She hadn’t learned about whatever Donna’s idea was from him, he didn’t want any part of it. In an act of supreme self-control, he hadn’t read the fax. He didn’t trust Donna, she was way too corporate these days, like he’d been before.</p><p>He quickly came to the conclusion that Donna in her desperation must have managed to see her as she was leaving this morning. He imagined Cam being ambushed in the lobby. </p><p>That she’d listened to Donna and not bitten her head off was a miracle in itself, but there had to have been something in it for Cam to have come all the way back up to the room and leave a note for him. </p><p>His interest was piqued.</p><p>So … did that mean she was considering working on it? </p><p>With Donna? </p><p>With him? </p><p>Really?</p><p>Why would she bother telling him otherwise?</p><p>He reeled with the thought of it.</p><p>Wow.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0004"><h2>4. Hotel Lobby/Taxi (Life Post Ryan)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 4</p><p>(Hotel lobby – 10.45am)</p><p>He adjusted his scarf pulling it up to ensure it covered the offending hickey. </p><p>He’d put his overnight bag in one of the hotel lockers as he hadn’t been sure how things were going to pan out the day before. He hadn’t booked a hotel room in advance, knowing that was one thing Vegas never lacked, even with the added influx of people attending the various conferences going on this weekend. </p><p>It might have meant some seedy motel room, but he hadn’t cared. He’d kept his options open, if things went badly, he had the option to just go back the airport and wait for one of the numerous return flights that left practically every hour day and night. </p><p>It’d actually worked out much better than he’d hoped.</p><p>He got into one of the many waiting cabs and thought about the ‘thing’ as he sped toward the airport. </p><p>It was something he’d believed in for so many years now, he wasn’t sure when exactly it had come to him. </p><p>It’d probably been as early as surviving the fall, he concluded.</p><p>His younger self had reasoned that what purpose was there in him living if not to do something great?</p><p>Throughout the years, he’d refined what it was and he’d clung to the idea like a life buoy to stop him sinking in the murky depths of despair.</p><p>It was a like a secret shield that protected him while he endured the beatings from his tormentors at school, who appeared to know that was something ‘off’ about him, even before he did.</p><p>Well, until he started growing and didn’t stop, getting bigger than many of them.</p><p>In the last few years, after everything that had happened with MacMillan Utility and Ryan … he’d begun to have serious doubts about the ‘thing.’ It was all just too hard; he was so tired and burned out.</p><p>He still believed in it, he just wasn’t as sure that he’d be the one to find it any more. </p><p>It was so slippery and elusive, and every year there were more and more people chasing it.</p><p>For the first time in his life he’d felt rudderless and it'd been hugely disconcerting for a while.</p><p>He completely understood what she’d said yesterday about going through life thinking about it in one way, who he was and how letting go of that, was really freeing.</p><p>He’d stopped chasing it and stopped pushing everyone as well.</p><p>It’d hadn’t been easy; he’d sunk to his lowest point ever and been to some really dark places. </p><p>He really struggled for a long time.</p><p>At least he’d had the sense to seek help. </p><p>He had an expensive psychologist for a while, but the sessions only served to bring up more buried stuff. It'd been too overwhelming and too painful. </p><p>He’d struggled along on his own and had turned to drinking until he found something else to replace it.</p><p>He’d quickly moved out of his beautiful SF apartment; it’d lost its appeal after what had happened. Part of him had been scared that he would take a dive off the balcony as well. </p><p>He’d put a lot in storage, as he didn’t have the energy or the inclination to deal with it. Then one day, he finally bit the bullet and started going through boxes of things from his penthouse and his office at MacMillan Utility.</p><p>He started reading one of the Buddhist texts that he’d initially got mainly for show. </p><p>It'd resonated with him.</p><p>So, he went in search of more information and realised that there was an explosion of people seeking enlightenment, perhaps as a reaction to the rampant capitalism of the time.</p><p>He started devouring various texts and even attended some classes at the SF Zen Center. </p><p>He allowed himself time to explore what was important to him, and he realised that it was the significant connections that he'd made with people. </p><p>It was something that had always been a huge source of pain and heartache for him. He realised that however much he had in the bank, it was never going to fix that part of him that had been broken so long ago.</p><p>He thought about it as his Everest, and he’d eventually reach the summit, one step at a time. Consistency was the key. There’d be many challenges along the way, but they’d only make him stronger.</p><p>It’d helped, and he started reading more widely about different philosophies, religions and the new fad of ‘self-help’ books. </p><p>It made him feel ... better, to know that there were so many others searching for meaning too. </p><p>He was able to relax and was more comfortable with who and where he was. </p><p>For the first time in decades, he took down some of his walls, allowing his softer side out.</p><p>He realized that the Joe he’d been, with all his arrogance and showiness had simply arisen out of self-protection for his younger damaged self. </p><p>Cam had seen right through him way back when ...  you're still that lonely little boy ... her angry words echoed back to him across the years.</p><p>She only told him the truth.</p><p>He started to forgive himself.</p><p>He even stopped blaming his father, whose health had deteriorated in recent years and they tentatively started talking more. </p><p>He was surprised to learn that his dad had his own demons and deeply regretted so much of the past too. </p><p>It gave Joe a different perspective on things he hadn’t understood growing up and had been carrying around as emotional baggage ever since. </p><p>He was finally able to let some of it go.</p><p>He knew that his significant connections were Gordon and Cam, he could be himself around them both and be accepted, that was an extremely rare and special thing.</p><p>After Ryan's death, Joe’s decline and slow process of self-discovery, had been too hard for Gordon to bear and they saw less they saw less and less of each other.</p><p>Besides, he had enough of his own stuff to deal with, dealing with the repercussions of getting divorced, managing the reactions of the girls, as well as coping with his illness.</p><p>But Joe'd watched with admiration as he built the regional NSFNET, despite everything. </p><p>Joe'd missed being involved with the girls, especially, the younger, shier girl, Haley. It'd made him feel like he was actually part of a family, he’d become a kind of an uncle to them.</p><p>He’d wanted to have those connections in his life again too, to start over. </p><p>He supposed that was why he’d gone to COMDEX, pretty much booking his flight as soon as he was able after he’d hung up on Donna, without even thinking things through.</p><p>It had been easy, it had been fun. It'd been so great just to talk to her.</p><p>He loved hearing about her life, and how she’d come to the same realisations he had over the years.</p><p>He was glad that she was happy and successful, she always had been so talented, she deserved it.</p><p>He'd been completely dumbfounded when she told him he ‘shouldn’t deprive the world of his talents.’ </p><p>It was a revelation that she thought he was talented, that he created change.</p><p>Cam wasn’t one to give compliments, that was part of her upbringing and her issues.</p><p>That made it extra special, and he clung to it.</p><p>Previously, she and everyone else, had always been so disparaging and implied he just rode on the backs of others, used them for his own gain. </p><p>He supposed they were right in a way, but he’d never thought of it that way, it wasn’t solely for him, for selfish reasons. </p><p>He was convinced it was was his calling, his higher purpose.</p><p>He was sure that it was for the benefit of everyone to get the ‘thing’ out in the world.</p><p>But maybe he was just kidding himself. Who knew?</p><p>He smiled as he remembered them messing with the Sprinter guys and ... Bob, the one with his lame spiel at the party, and then dancing with her, before Donna had changed her mood. </p><p>It had been the most fun, good, wholesome fun, he’d had in ages. </p><p>He’d had no ulterior motive, there was no pretext for sex - she was married. He didn’t like it, but he respected it.</p><p>He'd gone there to reconnect with her as a friend.</p><p>He smiled, remembering her dancing alone while he was getting them another drink. Before the shit'd hit the fan.</p><p>He thought about the last time he’d danced; it’d probably been with Sara and that had been under a chemical influence before they’d left Dallas. The night of WestNet, when the shit had hit an even bigger fan.</p><p>He idly wondered if there was a connection between dancing and things going wrong, and did he have the guts to experiment and find out?</p><p>He hadn’t needed any drugs last night, he hadn’t even been very drunk. He was just on a high from being with her. </p><p>There was something that kept drawing him back to her. </p><p>Was it love? </p><p>He loved both Cam and Gordon.</p><p>But there was a different kind of spark with her, and the sex, the to-die-for-sex, was only part of it. </p><p>Something about her made him want to be the best version of himself. He felt he was better being with her. </p><p>He could be himself; he could talk about his hopes and dreams and she understood because she was a dreamer and a visionary too.</p><p>He could be authentic, and he’d never felt like that with anyone else. He knew that hadn’t changed, at least from his side. </p><p>He was uncertain what sleeping with her again meant, or if it would mean anything.</p><p>He’d been too weak to say no when she took him to her hotel room.</p><p>Every second with her was precious and he’d have accepted any crumb she had to offer … but he’d happily enjoy the whole pie if he could.</p><p>Was he just a fling for her? Used like he’d used so many others in the past?</p><p>That would be his karma, he thought.</p><p>Now she was going back to her life in Tokyo with her husband. He felt a wave of jealously sweep over him.</p><p>Cameron …</p><p>But perhaps there was a glimmer of hope on the horizon.</p><p>He resolved to give Gordon a call when he was back home, it’d been what, over a year and a half? It was time to reconnect with him too.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0005"><h2>5. LAS Airport - Part 1 (Rehashing The Past)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 5</p><p>(LAS Airport – 11.10 a.m.)</p><p>He hadn't been able to get on a United flight until just after 1.30 p.m. It was later than he’d hoped, but he should still get home around 4.00 p.m. if he was lucky. He only had a carry on, so that would save him some time at SF airport.</p><p>He realised that he was ravenous and went in search of something to eat.</p><p>After ordering, he quietly sat and observed his fellow travelers.</p><p>He often marveled about the connections people had, how people of all walks of life; rich and poor, young and old, found someone, and yet it always seemed to elude him.</p><p>Except with ... no, that was a slippery slide.</p><p>Although, he knew what was shown on the outside of a relationship was sometimes just good PR. It wasn’t always the same as what was going on inside of a relationship.</p><p>He learned that through his parents and his failed marriage with Sara.</p><p>He’d loved her at the time, but in hindsight, he knew he’d been trying to be someone else too, who he thought she wanted him to be.</p><p>He thought he was happy, and she was the source, so he'd impulsively hitched his wagon to hers.</p><p>It had been so easy.</p><p>He wondered how many others had made the same mistake.</p><p>Lots, if you looked at the growing divorce rates, Gordon and Donna, Bos …</p><p>He’d been so naïve; but he would only have made her miserable.</p><p>He didn’t know how to be happy back then.</p><p>He’d been glad what had happened with the Sonaris virus, and that she’d left him.</p><p>Although, it’d taken him a while to reach that perspective.</p><p>It’d probably saved them both a painful 2, 3 or even 5 years of trying to make it work, and maybe they would’ve had kids, who’d now be shuttled between them, like Joanie and Haley. It would’ve been a mess.</p><p>How ironic that his ex had broken them up, although he didn’t think that had been her intention. She would’ve scored added bonus points if it had been one of her games.</p><p>Was he going to do the same to her marriage now?</p><p>It didn’t give him any pleasure, knowing how painful the process was, but any sense of wrongdoing he had was overridden by a sense that it was somehow fated.</p><p>Was the point of all they’d been through to grow and change? So they could be together again in the future?</p><p>Or was he just lying to himself to justify the night?</p><p>He knew they wouldn’t have lasted even if he’d supported her against Gordon all those years ago, it would only have delayed the inevitable and the Giant wouldn’t have sold any units.</p><p>He’d needed to change, evolve in something more human than he'd been before, and it’d taken Ryan dying to force him to do that.</p><p>Ironic that she thought he promoted change in others, but he couldn’t do it for himself without Fate's helping hand.</p><p>He finished his meal and downed the last of his coffee. He decided to wander around the airport stores while heading in the general direction of his gate.</p><p>He allowed himself to think about what a relationship with an older and wiser Cam might be like.</p><p>Well the physical side wasn’t going to be a problem, he thought smiling to himself.</p><p>She was more worldly, she was still a bright spark, but there was some interesting tarnishing now. It made her less brash and better able to relate to others, and to him.</p><p>And he, well, he was more well-rounded too, less of an asshole, thankfully.</p><p>He felt sorry for his former self, he’d screwed up so much and hurt so many people.</p><p>But he couldn’t change any of that, it had been part of his journey. He’d had to forgive himself, and move on, and he was making amends by doing the right thing now.</p><p>It meant he should always come from a place of honesty and love. It felt cleaner for him somehow.</p><p>He realised how much he desperately wanted to love her.</p><p>The thought made him come to an abrupt halt, and a guy in a smart suit careered into him from behind. He was talking to an attractive blonde and hadn’t been looking. Joe apologised profusely and stepped out of the way, he was met by her flirty grin, which earned him an even darker look from the suit.</p><p>Joe turned away, not wanting to be involved. The couple continued on, but it must have caused friction as he caught the guy's angry tone and her outraged reply as they headed off.</p><p>He and Cam’d had their fair share of arguments when they were together, work ones had mainly involved the Giant and his prioritizing of the cost and weight rather building a machine of substance or ‘with a soul’ as she put it.</p><p>Him not being innovative enough for her.</p><p>Other ones had mostly been about tidying, being at pretty much opposite ends of the spectrum, it was always going to be an issue.</p><p>Many times, he felt like she was the unruly teenager and he was the grown up. It wasn’t a role that came naturally to him, but he remembered how lonely he’d been growing up and how domineering his father had been.</p><p>He was surprised with how much leeway he allowed her.</p><p>Right from the start, she’d had something, he’d been drawn to her to her as soon as she’d entered the classroom. She hadn’t been intimidated or impressed by him, even questioning him within the first five minutes.</p><p>He was so used to getting his own way, most people were easily malnipulable and ... boring. Anyone who didn't bow down to him was a challenge, it excited him.</p><p>Her whole vibe was at odds with her mainly male classmates, who were so complicet and eager to please. But he didn’t want another good ‘company man,’ they could all go work for IBM for all he cared.</p><p>The more he talked to her in the bar afterwards, the more he recognised a kindred spirit and he’d got carried away with his plans, instinctively sensing she was integral to it.</p><p>The way she was looking at him, he thought she’d understood it too.</p><p>She was pretty, but she'd tried to hide it under the punk thing she had going on. He thought of it like a mask, it screamed 'keep away, I’m dangerous' and if anyone understood self-protection, it was him.</p><p>He shouldn’t have drunk so much, he’d forgotten how just young she was.</p><p>Afterwards, he felt the unfamiliar pangs of guilt as if he’d taken advantage of her, even though she’d been the one to stick her tongue down his throat.</p><p>It was strange, he hadn’t cared about any conquests’ feelings in a long time. Perhaps if it had ended in the same way most of them did, she’d have been just another unremarkable, forgettable fuck in some dingy bar.</p><p>He’d often wondered if she’d pulled at his heart strings even back then.</p><p>He still remembered the look on her face when she’d turned to him and put him down so succinctly, no tears or shouting, which was how those things frequently went.</p><p>There had been something in the bar as they’d talked, but he figured it was just about the thing, nothing more.</p><p>That had been more pressing then anyway, so he continued his scheduled talks at other campuses. He’d needed to have someone lined up before putting phase two of his plan into action.</p><p>He’d called her course co-ordinator the next day to thank him and check her out some more. He needed to know if she was as good as she’d made out.</p><p>Just talking to the guy, he’d known she was the most promising one he’d found so far. While she was certainly gifted and pretty much top of her class, he'd played her down and tried to steer Joe to the next best student. He’d even called her a ‘silly girl full of fanciful ideas.’ That’s exactly what Joe’d wanted, a dreamer, someone who thought outside of the box. Hadn’t all the other pioneers in history faced criticism and ridicule before their ideas had been accepted?</p><p>He cursed himself for the lapse in judgement, this was too important to mess up by mixing business and pleasure.</p><p>He’d taken a gamble on returning to the bar with Gordon, after trying her university first.</p><p>For once, Fate had been on his side, arriving just as she was being kicked out. Like a shark smelling blood, he knew she was 'in the bag.'</p><p>He had no problem agreeing to her terms, he was pleased that she asked for as much as possible, he would have.</p><p>Anyway, it wasn’t as if it was his money.</p><p>As usual, Gordon took more convincing. He couldn’t see past what she projected, the image and the attitude. But like with so many people, Joe'd had to force him out of his comfort zone in order to get the best out of him.</p><p>Adversity did that, he’d had first-hand experience of it too.</p><p>He knew Gordon would accept her ... eventually.</p><p>He’d been right, of course, and it happened faster than he’d hoped. They both quickly got involved and invested in the project that would become the Giant.</p><p>At Cardiff, he’d felt like a kid in a candy store, he finally had the creative freedom to really do something great. IBM had been too much of a monolith and there was always the ever-watchful eye of his father.</p><p>Or maybe he was a mad scientist, gathering all the elements, and putting them together to see how they’d react, the Giant was the result of all of their experiments and their hard work.</p><p>Whichever it was, it was the best time he’d ever had.</p><p>He missed it, he just wanted to work with them again and build something, anything.</p><p>Could it work? Could they all put their differences aside and really do something special this time?</p><p>He wondered what the fax was about and was eager to get home to find out.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0006"><h2>6. LAS Airport - Part 2 (A Curious Encounter)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 6</p><p>(Terminal 3, Gate E6  – 12.30 p.m.)</p><p>There wasn’t anything in the airport stores of interest, so he arrived at the empty gate and sat down. They were just finishing boarding the previous flight, so he plopped his bag down and stretched out his long legs. He was in coach on the way back so best enjoy the leg room while he could. </p><p>He leaned back into the seat, feeling tired all of a sudden and pulled his coat around him. </p><p>He checked his watch and estimated about 30 or 40 minutes until his flight started to board. </p><p>Time to sleep, he thought. </p><p>He closed his eyes and thought about wrapping himself around her soft body, and how she nestled into him and fell asleep in his arms. </p><p>He exhaled, and without needing any more than that, he was asleep. </p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Sleep)</p><p>In his dreams, he was with her again. </p><p>A mess of tangled sheets, tangled limbs, her eyes, her mouth, her eyes looking up at him, her breasts, her spread legs, her eyes, her heat … delicious bliss ... Joe ... Aaahhhh ...</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Terminal 3, Gate E6  – 12.54 p.m.)</p><p>He felt something crash into his legs and he woke up to a toddler collapsed over his outstretched feet. He assumed a girl judging by the amount of pink she was encased in, he had no idea exactly how old she was, but he could plainly see the bulking diaper. There was a moment of silence and then a deafening wail. </p><p>He was suddenly wide awake and looked expectantly around for her parents, the seats were full of people now looking at the tiny child and him, but no-one was rushing forward to claim her. </p><p>Uhh …’ he stammered, ‘OK, OK, it’s OK … ’ and falteringly bent down to pick up the screaming infant up, locking eyes with a lady opposite as he did, ‘Uhh, any idea who’s … er … baby …?’</p><p>But she shook her head and he heard, ‘No, sorry, not mine!’ </p><p>No help there then.</p><p>It was while reaching to retrieve the little girl that he realized with horror that he had a semi-hard on.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>Thank God for his coat.</p><p>He gingerly brought the child up so she was standing on his thigh, hoping she would shield his wood and tried an experimental bounce to try and stop her from shrieking, ‘Uhh, hey, hey … baby? Shhh, shhh, it’s alright … where’s your mommy, hey?’ </p><p>The little girl suddenly stopped crying and looked directly at him, with wide blue eyes, ‘Uh … hi there … where’s your mommy?’ he whispered, hypnotised by the infant’s gaze. </p><p>She broke into a smile and gave him a happy laugh.</p><p>He couldn’t help but smile back, ‘Hey, that’s better. I’m Joe, who are you?’</p><p>It was the first time he’d ever held a kid so young and he marveled how tiny and yet alert she was, it was like she was looking directly into him.</p><p>He instantly felt a strong urge to protect her.</p><p>He was aware of being watched by his fellow travelers too. He gave a lopsided smile and a shrug of his shoulders.</p><p>OK, where the hell were her parents?</p><p>He wasn’t sure what to do. </p><p>He wasn’t sure if he could stand up without his predicament being obvious to the curious onlookers but equally, he couldn’t just sit there with her. </p><p>He was completely out of his comfort zone.</p><p>He cleared his throat and lifted her up a bit, leaning forward, hoping to cover himself with his coat, ‘Err ... hey there, is anyone missing a daughter?’ </p><p>Some more people looked round, but still no parents.</p><p>OK, OK, he could do this, he’d take her over the air stewardesses at the gate desk and let them deal with her. </p><p>He steeled himself and started to stand when he heard a woman shouting, ‘Cassie? CASSIE?’ and then in recognition and relief, ‘Cassie!’</p><p>He stopped and half turned in his seat and saw a determined woman, dragging another youngster, who was protesting noisily behind her, making a beeline toward him. </p><p>The toddler gurgled in recognition and stretched out her hands. There were two other slightly larger miserable-looking boys with an equally miserable-looking man, stood around an airport trolley on the other side of the gate.</p><p>‘She fell just over my legs ... I was asleep …’ he started to explain.</p><p>‘Oh, thank you so much, honey! Oh my God, I’m run ragged, I swear I turn my back for 5 minutes and one of ‘em vanishes! This one’s just started walking and I think she’s gonna be the worst of the lot! Oh, for God’s sake, shut up CJ!’</p><p>The mother grabbed the little girl and turned back to where she came. He looked after her and waved to the little girl, who was still smiling at him. </p><p>He felt an odd pang of both relief and loss.</p><p>‘You know it’s the glasses, right?’ the guy next to him said.</p><p>‘I’m sorry?’ as he thrust his hands into his pockets and moved his coat to hide his now deflating dick.</p><p>‘Why they stare … they see the reflection in the glasses, it was the same with my son, well before I got contacts anyway. They’re fascinated by them. Cute though, ain’t it?’</p><p>‘Oh, I see ... Yeah, very cute.’ he replied, sure it wasn’t just the reflection in his glasses.</p><p>The announcement came to start boarding and Joe picked up his bag and went to line up.</p><p>He exhaled, well that was surreal.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Flashback 1 - Atari Party/Balcony</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>We're nearly at the smutty flashbacks ... it took a while I know, but there'll be plenty of enjoy :)<br/>Apologies, Joe messed with my head ...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 7</p><p>(Boarding the flight to San Francisco – 1.12 p.m.)</p><p>He put his bag in the overhead locker and politely waited for the guy sat in the aisle seat to move.</p><p>He took his place by the window. Good, at least he wouldn’t be disturbed.</p><p>He fully intended to sleep the whole way back and pre-empting any unexpected hard-ons, kept his coat on and spread the provided blanket over himself.</p><p>People were still boarding, but he closed his eyes, shutting it all out. Cam’s face swum into his vision. He wondered what she was thinking and where she was now, somewhere over the Pacific, speeding away from him again, back to … her husband.</p><p>It physically hurt him.</p><p>He felt a stab of pain deep inside and his eyes involuntarily started to tear up.</p><p>Stop it!</p><p>OK, something more pleasant …</p><p>Fuck it, he’d replay the night until he dropped off.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Flashback 1– Atari party)</p><p>He’d seen that look on her face so many times before, but for once her anger wasn’t directed at him.</p><p>She’d grabbed the nearest bottle and his hand and stormed out. He had little choice but to follow, but he turned and looked at Donna, left on the dance floor, trying to gauge what she’d said to upset Cam so much.</p><p>He’d always be on Cam’s side, but he recognised the other woman’s look of hurt and frustration.</p><p>He knew it well.</p><p>Out on the balcony, he let her rant, while steeling himself to tell her that Donna had contacted him. He knew there was a risk that she wouldn’t believe that he didn’t know what Donna wanted, and it could mean an end to their fragile truce.</p><p>But he wanted to be honest with her, and besides he really hadn’t done anything wrong.</p><p>She came closer as he spoke, to look him in the eye and see for herself if he was lying.</p><p>He remembered when she’d called him out on his bullshit scar stories, in his bed, a lifetime ago … she’d been the only one to do so and he hoped she could still read him just as well.</p><p>He could see the tears forming in her eyes and he had to move away.</p><p>He wanted to hold her so badly, to comfort her, but he didn’t trust himself to be able to let her go.</p><p>He could sense her indecision.</p><p>He opened the bottle, glad to have something else to occupy him, while giving her some space to decide her next course of action.</p><p>She came over and took a swig. Alcohol had always been their ‘go to’ when stressed.</p><p>Ahhh yes – the game, what did she call it – Nim?</p><p>It was a good distraction, for both of them.</p><p>Besides, he was pretty sure he’d actually figured it out.</p><p>But he didn't feel any sense of victory after he won.</p><p>She looked out over the Strip and asked, ‘Why are you here?’ her voice was full of emotion.</p><p>Oh Cam ...</p><p>‘You know why.’</p><p>‘Nope.’</p><p>She turned to look at him, challenging him, ‘Tell me.’</p><p>He wanted to tell her he loved her, but she was married, and it wouldn’t be fair.</p><p>Not that she’d played by the same rules when he was married, right before she gave him the Sonaris disk.</p><p>She’d asked him back then if he’d ever wondered what would have happened if they’d just held onto each other rather than chasing what they wanted separately and obsessively.</p><p>He didn’t know if it was how she really felt, or it’ll just been a line to suck him in to her trap.</p><p>He wanted to believe it was real.</p><p>To tell her that he had wondered the same thing.</p><p>He still wondered.</p><p>He wondered if she did too.</p><p>He'd bitten back the urge to remind her <em>she </em>was the reason they weren't.</p><p><em>He'd</em> wanted to be with her, begged her on her porch.</p><p>But when he'd opened up and showed his underbelly, ironically at her urging, and when he did, she'd gleefully ripped his heart out.</p><p>He'd thought he'd heard the muted screams of vengeance from all those he'd stamped on and discarded over the years.</p><p>He'd deserved it, but it hadn't stopped the strange longing for her. When like a tongue worrying a cracked tooth, he'd found himself late at night seeking her out to play games on Mutiny, with his fiancée asleep in the next room.</p><p>He'd been vulnerable for first time since laying in his hospital bed, when his pathetic need for affection from his distant father or from anyone, had made him weak too.</p><p>But she'd been right, even in her harshness, that he'd was still that lonely boy deep inside.</p><p>Just as she was still that lonely girl, he'd shouted back at her when hindsight had restored his wit to him later that night when he was alone in his apartment replaying the scene.</p><p>As to his younger self, Joe had hidden him away, his mask was his armor and protection, after the shock of the fall, the disfiguring scars and losing the only person who'd ever shown him love; his mother.</p><p>His defense after Cam had been the same, shove his feelings down and start again.</p><p>But he was in a different place now, the old game only got him so far and he'd fallen further than he'd ever though possible after Ryan's death, losing his company and the AIDS scare.</p><p>So he settled on the more neutral, ‘You … I came to see you.’</p><p>Not knowing those were the same words Donna had said to her too.</p><p>He'd let her decide, it was up to her now.</p><p>There was nothing more he could say.</p><p>He listened as she said they shouldn’t be up there, that she had an early flight, she sounded on the edge of tears again.</p><p>It broke his heart.</p><p>He wouldn’t push her any more. He didn’t want her to have regrets. He should go.</p><p>‘Maybe we should call it a night,’ he ventured softly.</p><p>Sadly, she'd quickly agreed and he felt her turn to look at him, his feet seemed to move on their own accord as he found himself staring into her huge eyes again.</p><p>Lost in them as usual.</p><p>It took all his concentration just to maintain a safe distance, he wanted to go to her, to hold her and to kiss her.</p><p>He almost jumped when her hand connected with his and held it.</p><p>His senses were heightened to her touch and it felt that it was the only solid, real thing.</p><p>Nothing else mattered.</p><p>He didn’t know what the connection meant.</p><p>But he wanted to show her his affection without scaring her, so he ran his thumb lightly over the her soft skin of the back of her hand.</p><p>They stood there looking at each other for what seemed an age.</p><p>He was completely lost in her eyes, like a rabbit trapped in headlights.</p><p>Transfixed and hypnotized.</p><p>Without warning she turned, dragging him again, back through the party and out to the elevators.</p><p>He didn’t dare say anything, scared she would come to her senses and let go of him, leaving him in her wake, as she always had.</p><p>But at the same time, he thought she would regret her impulsive choice and it would kill their burgeoning friendship.</p><p>He couldn’t win either way.</p><p>Then they were squashed into the elevator with a load of excitable COMDEXers.</p><p>Joe was intensely aware of her body pressed up against his, the soft peaks of her breasts against his chest and her thighs against his.</p><p>He felt his cock stirring.</p><p>He tilted his hips away from her and hoped she didn’t notice.</p><p>He could smell her hair and his world shrank again.</p><p>There was just her.</p><p>Everything, everyone else faded into the background.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0008"><h2>8. Flashback 2 - Cam's Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>A little long - sorry, but they've finally got to her hotel room..hopefully, it was worth the wait...<br/>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 8</p><p>(In-flight – 1.49 p.m.)</p><p>The in-flight meal was being served, he accepted the plastic tray and surveyed the contents, some chicken pasta dish, a small side salad and a chocolate brownie. The airlines nowadays were really trying to one-up each other to get customer loyalty. It was trial and error, not quite there yet but definitely improving.</p><p>That was how he felt about the tech world too.</p><p>He smelled the pasta, not bad. He started eating, rationalizing that he’d used a lot of energy last night and a full stomach might be the thing to make him forget her and sleep again.</p><p>Wine ... wine would also help, he decided.</p><p>---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Flashback 2 - Cam's hotel room)</p><p>Inside her dark room, he watched her walk to the bed with her head down.</p><p>He couldn’t read her.</p><p>The sole lighting came from the brightly colored Strip outside through the large expanse of glass of the room's window. The ebb and flow of pulsing lights, even ten storeys up, added to the dreamlike quality of being with her again.</p><p>Gone was his smug confidence from their first interactions. The Cam before him now was more worldly than that wide-eyed punk girl she'd been seven years ago, back at the start.</p><p>She'd always had a strong rebellious side, but she'd come more over to his 'dark-side' so easily.</p><p>He thought all she'd done to him over the years, about her hacking into Giant's bank account, breaking him, then Westgroup and finally destroying his reputation and his marriage.</p><p>Jesus, he wasn't as though he'd been <em>Darth Vader</em> or anything forcing her... and he hid a wry smile remembering how he'd followed Gordon and his family to Return of the Jedi long ago.</p><p>Who was the master? It wasn't him any more, he thought, staring at her back.</p><p>But strangely he'd found he couldn't find it in himself to retaliate, to hurt her back. He'd seen her hurt at another COMDEX and knew the depth of her pain, so he protected her at whatever cost that meant to him.</p><p>Buying her favor and perhaps thinking if he did that one day, she might come back to him again.</p><p>In the room, he tried to be optimistic and took off his coat and glasses. He put them on the desk next to him.</p><p>He waited for any sign from her, he hardly dared to breath in case the sound was enough to change her mind.</p><p>The longer it went on, the more certain he was that she would ask him to leave.</p><p>When she turned to look at him, he tentatively moved towards her, but stopped again as she was still deciding his fate.</p><p>He still didn’t have permission to touch her.</p><p>He swallowed, trying to beseech her with his eyes.</p><p>He was caught by surprise when she came forward and kissed him, oh so softly and she tenderly cupped his head and lightly touched his chest.</p><p>This was what he'd been yearning for and he focused on kissing her, wanting to savour every moment she'd grant him.</p><p>Cam …</p><p>She pushed herself into his semi-hard on and it jolted him out of his reverie.</p><p>Everything happened so fast after that, he maintained the kiss only breaking to remove her short dress, which he'd pulled he straight up over her head.</p><p>She wasn't idle either and took off his tee-shirt. Once bare, she bent down to reverentially kiss the large scar that crossed his upper chest.</p><p>Ahh fuck.</p><p>He wanted her so badly, his desire clouded his mind, something deep within took over.</p><p>He heard her scream as he tipped her up and threw her back on the bed as though she was weightless, following her down, claiming her mouth.</p><p>Lust had them both now.</p><p>Her sighs filled his ears, and she was returning his passionate kisses with hot ones of her own, writhing under him and pulling at the front of his pants and digging her nails into his tricep, the little cat.</p><p>She knew what those sharp talons did to him.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He was totally lost .... out of control with passion. They both had too many clothes on … he wanted to feel her bare skin on his … it couldn’t happen fast enough … he had to see her naked ...</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Both their bodies seemed to be moving on their own, driven by an overwhelming need.</p><p>They were naked and her long legs spread beneath him, her hips pressed into him and his could feel her heat. </p><p>Like a heat-seeking missile, he was suddenly, much to both their surprise, inside her ... ooh aaahhhh … she was so wet, so tight ... so fucking tight ... aahhh fuck … <em>Cam</em> … his cock pressed deep into her slick passage.</p><p>‘Ohhhh fuck!’ she practically yelled in his ear.</p><p>It shocked him back to reality, panicked that he’d gone too far, too fast and she hadn’t been ready for him, ‘Cam? What is it?’</p><p>Joe, you fucking <em>asshole!</em></p><p>‘Fuck!’ she breathed, ‘I’d just forgotten how <em>big</em> you are.’</p><p>It thrilled him to hear her say it.</p><p>He gloated childishly over the knowledge that he was bigger than her husband.</p><p>She shifted her hips and he felt her internal muscles squeeze around his now fully hard cock. </p><p>‘Ahhhhh-uhh,’ <em>Jesus Christ!</em> He thought he was going to come.</p><p>Breathe, breathe … he had to calm down, he was as heady as a teenager.</p><p>‘Ahh … so, you’re OK?’ he whispered.</p><p>He forced himself to slow the pace, gently curling his hips and just enjoying being encased inside of her.</p><p>‘Aaahhh, yes, OK.’ she sighed contentedly, closing her eyes.</p><p>
  <em>Shit!</em>
</p><p>In his rush for her, he’d forgotten about the condom.</p><p>Since his brush with HIV, he always used one, and he had annual tests now.</p><p>It was even more important with her, to stop what nature intended sex for ... he could well imagine her cold fury at him if she were to get pregnant as a result of tonight.</p><p>Jesus, how could he have been so reckless?</p><p>‘Cam … Cam, wait, <em>stop</em>,’ he said in an urgent whisper, and pulled himself out of her addictive heat.</p><p>Her eyes snapped opened, and he could plainly see her anger, ‘What the fuck, Joe?’</p><p>‘Wait ... listen … I’m clean.’ he said urgently, ‘Totally clean, OK?’</p><p>Her frowned deepened and he was about to explain, but then she clicked and said somewhat falteringly, ’Oh … OH! … er … yeah, me too.’</p><p>‘And I’ve got protection, so no unwanted...’ he broke off, he wanted to get to his wallet in his coat, it was easier putting it on when he was this hard. He started to move back, but she tightened her grip stopping him.</p><p>‘There’s no need, OK?’</p><p>There was something in her voice that caused him to stop, his breath caught in his throat momentarily.</p><p>He waited for her to continue, ‘I … I … can’t … have any … all right?’</p><p>Oh Cam ...</p><p>She looked up at the ceiling refusing to look at him.</p><p>Even without seeing her expression, he knew the mood had changed.</p><p>‘Oh, Cam … I’m sorry.’ he said softly.</p><p>She exhaled.</p><p>He watched her, sensing her internal struggle.</p><p>She hadn’t ever wanted kids when they were together, it was something that they both agreed on, saying how they’d been too fucked up by their parents to be any good at raising one.</p><p>Not that it had ever been on the cards back then, she’d only been 22-23, and had dropped out of college because of him.</p><p>Maybe she’d changed her mind now she was older, married and with someone more … stable.</p><p>He felt twinges of both sadness and jealously.</p><p>Had she … they … been <em>trying?</em></p><p>He wanted to ask her, he wanted to know her life.</p><p>But he kept silent, afraid of intruding, and that she’d push him away.</p><p>He’d made the decision when he was 15. It was based on his relationship with his ‘heroic’ father, who he’d felt so small and pathetic in comparison to.</p><p>He saw himself as a freak, a monster, incapable of being loved, even his own father hadn’t loved him.</p><p>Joe assumed he’d been ashamed, but he was wrong.</p><p>The older MacMillan simply hadn’t known how show his love, like his father before him hadn't been able. It always was more difficult for men than for women.</p><p>Both Joe and his father were irrevocably damaged by its lack.</p><p>However, Joe’d been terrified that he would pass that damage on, he couldn't handle the guilt of putting another, a child, through what he'd been though.</p><p>He based the decision on his ill-informed childhood logic.</p><p>But Gordon’s daughters had shown him love that was pure and innocent. He found it’d been easy to love them back.</p><p>He often wondered how different his life would have been if he hadn’t blocked all the love that had been offered to him over the years.</p><p>Blocked her love.</p><p>Would he have been a better man?</p><p>He felt Cam tense beneath him, and he wanted to comfort her, so he bent his head down to kiss her nipple, partially erect in the cool air.</p><p>He tenderly sucked it into his mouth, and it comforted him too with unconscious echoes of his infant self.</p><p>He felt her relax again as she sighed.</p><p>Then a stronger sign of her returning desire as she pushed her hips forward, opening her legs under him.</p><p>He was calmer now and he could take his time with her.</p><p>Tonight was an unexpected gift and he wanted to savour it.</p><p>This could be their last ever time together, or it could be the start of something new.</p><p>Who knew what the tricky future held?</p><p>He’d take the whole night, just in case.</p><p>He wanted to touch her and stoke her fire.</p><p>He caressed her other breast and dropped his other hand down lower and letting her feel him spread her wide open, and he waited, to drive up her need.</p><p>Her moan thrilled him … she wanted it … she wanted him.</p><p>How many times had he done this with others over the years and just felt as though he was going through the motions? That it was all just a game, they didn’t really want him.</p><p>This was what he wanted, this with her. This was <em>real</em>.</p><p>He slid a long finger into her, she was gloriously wet and radiating the most incredible heat.</p><p>He felt her muscles tense, sucking his finger deeper inside and he felt the vibrations of her groan rise up from her chest right into his mouth.</p><p>He leisurely circled his hand, pushing and twisting inside of her, marveling how she responded to his touch.</p><p>He wanted to know how she felt, hoping to distract her back to him and away from <em>him</em> in Tokyo.</p><p>‘Nice?’ he asked her breast, giving her other nipple some attention.</p><p>He smiled in satisfaction as she angrily demanded that he fucked her.</p><p>He’d always enjoyed her crudeness, there was nothing sexier than a partner being able to articulate exactly what they wanted, no pussyfooting around, pun intended.</p><p>He remembered how she used to love her own taste and he pushed his finger into her mouth.</p><p>She felt both familiar and yet so different to him.</p><p>Her reaction turned him on.</p><p>Flashes of a younger, blonder Cam sucking enthusiastically on his cock leaped into his vision.</p><p>She’d been pretty talented in that area too ...</p><p>His mouth went dry.</p><p>It was still one of his favorite fantasies, Cam giving him head in the most inappropriate places and him risking his reputation if they were caught, but it only added to the illicitness.</p><p>It was based in reality, but over the years he’d added a few little twists and made her imaginary self perform the act in more and more daring places of his own devising … including spicing up numerous dreary MacMillan Utility board meetings and business dinners.</p><p>He hoped to revisit that with her tonight to see if, like a fine wine, she’d got better.</p><p>He wanted to taste her too, and he plunged his tongue into her mouth, and her sweet muskiness flooded in … so sumptuous.</p><p>He’d always loved how she tasted.</p><p>His body was over hers and with a flick of his hips, he was in her again.</p><p>Joe felt like he’d arrived home, burying himself deep inside of her over and over, and he was lost.</p><p>He felt her nails bite into his flesh, and their delicious sting made him thrust harder.</p><p>God, how he’d missed this. Losing himself, his woes in this act, but with <em>her</em> there was another dimension. It felt like he'd finally found the missing piece of the puzzle.</p><p>He wondered if she felt the same.</p><p>Was there something inevitable about the two of them?</p><p>Sex with her was so raw.</p><p>He was surprised that his actions were already beginning to affect her.</p><p>He loved it when she gave herself to him completely.</p><p>He felt so masterful.</p><p>He listened to the grunts and groans he forced out of her with every push, getting higher and closer together as she got nearer her climax.</p><p>She scratched at his back with her free hand and ground her hips in time with his, it took all of his concentration to focus on her pleasure and ignore his own.</p><p>He definitely enjoyed a bit of pain, but he yelled out as she got overexcited and bit his neck a little too hard.</p><p>He slapped her ass in rebuke and warned her to play nice, but the action only seemed to take her higher.</p><p>‘Oh fuck … <em>yes</em> … fuck me … don’t stop … aaahhh … harder … please, Joe … <em>aaahh</em> … aaaaaiiiihh-ahh,’ he was enthralled listening to her outburst, hearing her say his name in the throes of passion. He was only too willing to oblige.</p><p>He couldn’t get enough of the sight of her in full wanton abandon.</p><p>When she begged for more and said his name, he felt … wanted … needed … loved.</p><p>She suddenly went rigid, and her forehead crinkled in concentration, and her voice went higher … he could tell she was nearly there …</p><p>C’mon Cam, come for me, he silently encouraged her.</p><p>He was also getting close and was desperately trying not to come too.</p><p>In his mind, he was cleaning the sink, checking the stock market ... he jumped between one mediocre task to the next. He tried to convince himself he was just doing his morning run or out on his board ...</p><p>It was just a work-out and he tried to disassociate himself from the intense pleasure he was feeling in his loins.</p><p>Then her body surged up against him as though hit by a thousand volts.</p><p>She shuddered and quivered under him, wrapping her strong legs around him, locking him in place.</p><p>Joe couldn’t help moaning too as her rippling internal muscles squeezed his cock trying to make him release his seed.</p><p>No, no, no, no, don’t come, don’t come, don’t come, he intoned to himself, and breathed deeply while he rode the waves of her pleasure.</p><p>There was nothing fake about sex with her. He’d studied her every expression when they were together, he still knew them.</p><p>He got off on watching her face change, from teased frustration to succumbing to desire. But his favorite was when she came back to Earth after an orgasm, as she looked at him with such love in her big blue eyes and a satisfied smile on her lips.</p><p>She was still in the afterglow, breathing heavily with eyes closed. He waited, giving her time to recover herself.</p><p>It was good, so good, just being inside of her. He felt plugged in and re-charged. He felt more alive than he had in years.</p><p>‘I love watching you come,’ he whispered, with his face just above hers.</p><p>Her eyes half opened looking up at him, and a little smile played about her lips. She flushed prettily and said huskily, ‘One to nothing.’</p><p>Joe laughed and pressed a small, tender kiss on her parted lips. He’d forgotten about her score keeping … gamers, he thought.</p><p>Unlike with Nim, he was more than happy for her to win this game.</p><p>They’d both lose if he came first as his physiology wouldn’t allow for the multiples she enjoyed.</p><p>So, she was goading him to even the score, was she? OK, well he’d try but he'd be delighted just to be allowed to keep increasing hers ...</p><p>There was still a half-frozen smile on her lips, and he bent down again to kiss her, gently delving inside her mouth with his tongue.</p><p>She nestled into him, reaching her hands around him and stroked her fingertips lightly on his upper back.</p><p>He felt little electric sparks everywhere she touched him.</p><p>It was so intimate, so … sweet … he was totally lost.</p><p>Lost in <em>her</em>.</p><p>His senses were on high alert, her scent flooded his nostrils, he could feel her every move beneath him and hear her every breath and soft sigh.</p><p>All signs of her enjoyment.</p><p>Best of all, his tongue and cock were both deep inside her intoxicating warm wetness.</p><p>God, he loved her.</p><p>Joe wasn’t a selfish lover when he was with her. Because of her, he’d learned that giving had as many if not more rewards as taking. She had always been able to keep up with him and even surpassed him with her need for sex.</p><p>She had never been scared by his ferocity either, which in the beginning had led to fiery, explosive, and occasionally violent sex.</p><p>He was calmer now, but his fire was still there, it was just a more manageable slow-burn rather than an uncontrollable inferno.</p><p>He’d been so angry back then, raging at his father and then the world.</p><p>There had been times when it felt that they were testing each other, fighting for superiority or to be the ultimate winner like in one of her games.</p><p>But he realised that none of that mattered now, just being with her and making her happy, made him happy.</p><p>It was more than enough for him.</p><p>He moved his hips in a slow circle, and then a lazy long probe, it felt delicious, her vagina tightly held and caressed his entire length. By the soft mews she was making, he knew it felt good to her too.</p><p>It had the added benefit of allowing him to maintain his erection but come back off of the brink.</p><p>He’d read about ‘edging’ a couple of years ago, really it was a technique to help with premature ejaculation, to help gain control over the sometimes tricky male orgasm.</p><p>But many were using it to extend the period of arousal.</p><p>He’d tried it in his solo sessions and found that by going close to coming and then denying himself and repeating the process as many times as possible, made his eventual orgasm much more powerful.</p><p>He maintained a steady pace, resisting when he felt her grinding her hips up into him, trying to speed him up, as he was still too near.</p><p>He was delighted at how into it she was, she writhed against him and dug her nails into his back, and it took all his willpower to defy her.</p><p>She was getting increasingly noisy and he released her mouth only to hear a tirade of abuse, ‘Aaahhh, Joe, aaaaahh … fuck … you’re such an <em>asshole</em> … aaaahh.’</p><p>Ahh, time to make you <em>beg</em> then, he thought and smiled.</p><p>--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0009"><h2>9. Flashback 2 - Cam's Hotel Room - Part 2</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Will she or won't she beg?<br/>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 9</p><p>He got off on making her demand more and give herself over to him, it'd been their twisted game of her design from very early on.</p><p>He withdrew, leaving just his tip inside, which gave him some much-needed respite.</p><p>He liked how pissed she was, and he lent forward and kissed her throat.</p><p>Her hips surged forward, trying to pull him back in and his smile broadened, enjoying the feeling of control he had over her.</p><p>‘Joe, <em>please</em>,’ she whined breathily, and she pushed up against him again.</p><p>Oh fuck, this was so hot.</p><p>‘Tell me what you want, Cam.’ he wanted to hear her say it.</p><p>But she only groaned, to encourage him.</p><p>He slowly inched himself forward, ensuring it wasn’t enough to satisfy her.</p><p>He tried again, ‘What do you want?’ he whispered, staring into her eyes, their noses almost touching.</p><p>She was so frustrated, and it was delicious to watch.</p><p>Her pleads were music to his ears and she wriggled under him and spread her legs wider, rocking her hips trying to recapture more of his cock.</p><p>But none of it was going to work, he was patient, he could wait.</p><p>He watched her, knowing that she hated losing as much as he did.</p><p>She looked him straight in the eye and said, ‘You … I want you … I want you to make me come.’</p><p>In his head, he said, ‘With pleasure, my love.’</p><p>But to her, he smirked triumphantly and whispered, ‘OK.’</p><p>At a snail's pace, he pressed himself back into her, savouring both the feeling and look of rapture on her face.</p><p>Taking his time, he increased his tempo, enjoying how her soft coos got louder and more insistent.</p><p>He resisted the urge to bite her and stake his claim, he knew he had to be careful not to mark her.</p><p>He wouldn’t give her any reason to blame him and stay away again.</p><p>To help, he thought he’d change things up, he’d always enjoyed watching her reaction as he fucked her. The visual was just as important to him as the sensations and he could see more now his eyes had adjusted to the low lighting.</p><p>The curtains were open in the room, and as the hotel was right on the Strip, the myriad of flashing lights provided the illumination.</p><p>He knelt back and moved her legs so her ankles were on his shoulders. From this new vantage point, he was able to take in more of her, not just her big eyes, her parted lips, her beautiful face, but her pretty breasts and his dick sliding in and out of her open pussy.</p><p>But he loved all of her, her slender neck, the way her small waist flared out to her hips, her long legs and her soft belly … which if he trailed his mouth over and down lower … she would moan out in pleasure …</p><p>She was so sexy, and he flicked through the catalog of her erogenous zone stored in his head.</p><p>He continued thrusting in and out of her as she looked up at him.</p><p>He felt a surge of desire as he watched her eyes travel down his body, and her face full of lust watching him pump her.</p><p>This was always how it’d been, they turned each other on.</p><p>Joe was amazed how it still affected him, even after their years of estrangement and the intervening hostilities.</p><p>Without thinking, he went forward to kiss her again, taking her legs with him and forcing her to bend in half. It angled her pussy up and he was able to penetrate her more deeply. He got more leverage by balancing his weight on one arm, grabbing her hip with the other and pulling it to him every time he plunged into her. Each time she moaned in appreciation.</p><p>It was his turn to groan when he felt her fingers close around his testicles with just enough pressure to be pleasurable. He felt her nails lightly graze the delicate skin and sit there ready to contract. It gave a dangerous edge and the sensations lit up his brain making him gasp and slam into her harder.</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>It seemed she remembered his pleasure points too.</p><p>He moved his hands up to her breasts, catching each nipple in the space between his index and middle fingers, and closed them together, allowing him to both pinch the small buds to hardness and caress her breasts at the same time.</p><p>She gasped and violently pushed her hips up onto into his rigid cock, causing an extra deep stroke.</p><p>Joe felt a sudden sharp pain in his balls as her hand reflexively closed and he yelled her name in pain.</p><p>He quickly removed the offending hand and pulled himself back.</p><p>‘Sorry,’ she murmured breathily, eyes half-closed in ecstasy, ‘That’s what you do to me.’</p><p>He freed her legs and allowed her to unfurl; he opened his thighs forcing hers to spread wider too. His longer body meant that his aching sack was safe from her now, but he trapped her offending hand under his up by her head.</p><p>He leaned over her and was going to reprimand her when she plunged two fingers into his mouth, and he tasted her juices again.</p><p>He groaned in approval.</p><p>Oh, fucking delicious …</p><p>He licked and sucked them enthusiastically and then placed that hand under his on the other side of her head, effectively pinning her.</p><p>Now, she was totally at his mercy …</p><p>It’d always turned him on how active she was during sex, never satisfied to just receive, she took what she needed from him. That was her personality anyway, and he loved that she didn’t try to change, or to second guess his needs.</p><p>Many of his partners had done that over the years, deferring to him as having the ‘power’ in the relationship. He knew it was because they wanted to please him, so he’d stay.</p><p>But it bored him, he didn’t want that now. Through her, he'd learned there was a better way to be.</p><p>It had been useful in the past though, it was part of how he’d transformed from shy, bullied Joe into arrogant, take-what-he-wanted-and-fuck-everybody-else Joe.</p><p>It’d been thrilling when he discovered his new power, but it’d been a painful process and it came at a price.</p><p>He’d been forced to move schools after an incident in 8th grade and had been able to make a fresh start. It was a revelation that he could easily reinvent himself and leave all his previous baggage behind, like a snake shedding its skin.</p><p>It was his first in many lessons about human nature.</p><p>How ‘straightness’ and ‘gayness’ were on a sliding scale, and that sex, in any form, was sometimes more about power than pleasure or ... love.</p><p>He also learned a vital lesson about being a lot more careful with his male hook ups.</p><p>It didn’t matter to him what the lesson was or who gave it, it only mattered if the end result was useful.</p><p>He’d used the same twisted logic for sabotaging Cam's fledgling OS, which he’d been able to exploit for publicity purposes way back when.</p><p>One afternoon after school, he and another boy had been caught in a compromising position by three older high schoolers, whose school shared the same sports center.</p><p>Things turned nasty and they forced Joe into giving head to the lead antagonist and one of the older boys sodomised his unfortunate compatriot.</p><p>After more insulting name calling, and the threat of the same humiliating fate hanging over him, Joe’d somehow managed to break one of the other boy's noses and received a vicious beating as a result.</p><p>None of them wanted to confess to the actual events to their respective principals and parents and by unspoken agreement, had settled on a less incendiary altercation, which Joe’d ended up taking the blame for starting.</p><p>It seemed it’d always been his fate to get blamed.</p><p>As a consequence, his father decided to move him to another school.</p><p>But it was the best thing that could have happened to him.</p><p>It was there, as a freshman that he first started having sex with girls.</p><p>It’d been a way to gain popularity with the ‘in-crowd’ and the rite of passage was to take the virginity and publicly fuck, well purposefully get caught with one the of the many dorky or just plain ugly girls.</p><p>Joe’d hated who he’d become, but it was for self-protection. Stomp or be stomped on, and it was an easy choice.</p><p>Besides, if it hadn’t been for the dare, and subsequent dating of the cheerleaders and other in-crowd girls, he may have never understood the joy to be experienced with the ‘fairer’ sex and he would never have found Cam.</p><p>He’d always been comfortable around girls anyway, growing up with his mother had seen to that.</p><p>Also, they usually didn’t want to beat the crap out of him, maybe just hated him after he broke their hearts.</p><p>But he was more comfortable with that emotion anyway, until he’d met her.</p><p>He had to admit he didn’t have a great track record for a 42-year-old as far as relationships went and it didn’t bode well for the future.</p><p>Simon had only been a brief affair for Joe, but their month in Europe had burned brightly through their constant companionship. They’d talked and fucked so much too. It felt like a lifetime, longer than the short time suggested.</p><p>He had fond memories of their extended trip, traveling to different cities every couple of days, sightseeing by day and enjoying various other scenes by night.</p><p>He’d been in awe of Simon; he was talented, sophisticated and knowledgeable.</p><p>He’d taken Joe under his wing; he’d listened and encouraged him to dream big and go after what he wanted in life, to be more than just the ‘good company man’ that his father wanted.</p><p>For the first time, Joe’d felt understood by someone, and what a someone Simon had been.</p><p>Joe was 25 then and it was sad that it’ll taken so long for anyone to see his worth.</p><p>Joe with the new-found support of a significant other and the added frisson of liberal Europe, let his guard down, and allowed a more affectionate side come out.</p><p>He hadn’t been prepared for the depth of Simon’s feelings.</p><p>He simply froze up when Simon told him he loved him.</p><p>No-one who he’d cared about had ever said that to him before.</p><p>Then Simon was gone, back to New York.</p><p>Angry at himself, Joe’d drunkenly consoled himself in the arms of whoever until he got a flight back too.</p><p>He’d tried to rekindle the romance again, but rejection always pushed his buttons.</p><p>He ended up screwing one of Simon’s friends out of spite, ruining any chance there had been of a reconciliation.</p><p>So Sara, his ex-wife, God that sounded strange, was technically his longest lover, with probably about 15 or 18 months in total and Cam was second with just shy of seven. But out of the two, it was always Cam who his mind returned too.</p><p>He’d fallen into each relationship through hot and heady sex and couldn’t exactly say when it'd turned into something more.</p><p>With Simon, he hadn’t been able to commit in the way that the older, more stable man had wanted. Simon’d had his fun, played the field and now was ready for something with more meaning.</p><p>10 years later on, Joe’d understood Simon’s frustration with his younger self.</p><p>While one-night stands were fun, he was becoming increasingly aware that there was something missing.</p><p>To his great surprise, he'd fallen hard for Cam, a twenty-something-year old ‘girl’ as Simon had called her.</p><p>His attraction to women had always baffled Simon and his group of friends in New York, who saw it as a betrayal, and a lack of commitment to their lifestyle choice.</p><p>Whereas Joe actually felt that ‘straight’ or ‘gay’ were just easy labels, a way to pigeonhole people. He just saw it as ‘life’ not a ‘lifestyle’ or a choice.</p><p>He rationalized his bisexuality, reasoning that no-one limited themselves in any other areas, he liked bananas, but sometimes he wanted a peach.</p><p>They were both delicious, only in different ways.</p><p>It was a complete mystery to him why there was a limit where pleasure was concerned.</p><p>He'd always figured it was down to something more indefinable; attraction, compatibility, and being able to be himself with whoever.</p><p>Even at her tender age, Cam had understood and accepted the queer side of him.</p><p>She never used it against him, like she did his lack of ingenuity or his supposed lack of ‘soul’.</p><p>She’d been the one to truly ‘get’ him, and his anxieties.</p><p>He was sure that was why he kept coming back to her, even after all the hurt they’d inflicted on each other.</p><p>He found it ironic that he had no anti-virus to protect himself from her, he was completely open to attack. It made him, the ex-hard-headed business mogul, totally insecure.</p><p>Prompted by Simon’s insinuation that ‘there was no loving Joe’, she'd pushed him for an answer on whether he’d grow bored of her and move on.</p><p>It was something that he just couldn’t tell her.</p><p>He suspected he would, based on his previous experience.</p><p>Not that he didn’t want more - he wanted, no he needed, love in his life, to be with someone and give himself to them fully.</p><p>But growing up, love had only meant pain, and he had too much of that already. He couldn’t bear any more without shattering into a thousand pieces.</p><p>He didn’t know why anybody hadn’t seen though his mask except Cam. Was he really that good an actor?</p><p>It was all down to timing, and that was the story of his life.</p><p>The unfortunate truth was that when they’d met in ‘83, he was still reeling from his father’s life-changing revelation about his mother, he hadn’t processed it and wouldn’t properly for years.</p><p>Instead, he put all his energy and hopes into the Giant, but frustratingly it wasn’t to be what he’d envisioned.</p><p>He’d wanted more with Cam, he wanted to love her, he was willing to give up everything for her.</p><p>He put everything on the line for her, but he’d hurt her, and she hit back with a viciousness he hadn’t been prepared for.</p><p>He felt the double failure deep within him, the dashed dreams of the Giant and her brutal rejection and it sent him spiralling again.</p><p>He couldn’t allow himself to believe that it was always his fault that everything turned to shit, but what the hell was it? Destiny? Fate?</p><p>One of his earliest memories as a kid was sitting on his mom's lap singing ‘Row Row Row Your Boat’ and while that life was only a dream now.</p><p>Was it Fate that had turned that gently ever-flowing stream into great tumultuous rapids?</p><p>He felt that since Ryan’s death, he’d been out on the bank and just watching the river pass him by.</p><p>His life was calmer, he but he wasn’t really living, he longed to be back out there moving with the current, but he was scared that he’d be hanging on for dear life again and this time, he’d just get swept away.</p><p>Figuratively speaking, anyway.</p><p>Against the odds, he hadn’t grown bored of her. They’d both grown and changed, could this now, be the start of something better?</p><p>He felt that being with her again was hugely significant, but he was unnerved that at any given moment she could call a stop to it.</p><p>He could still taste her rich saltiness, and he resolved to do all he could to keep her aroused and give her orgasm after orgasm.</p><p>That way she’d be forced to be present with him and not have any opportunity to think about … him, the one who she’d married, because like a fool, he'd let her go.</p><p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0010"><h2>10. Flashback 3 - Cam's Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>My take on Simon's and Ryan's demise - Joe's guilt.</p><p>Warning: character suicide and thoughts of suicide</p><p>Then, will he or won't he come?</p><p>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 10</p><p>(Touch down in SF – 2.53 p.m.)</p><p>Joe woke with a start, as the plane landed, bouncing twice before settling onto the tarmac.</p><p>Bleary eyed, it took him a moment to orientate, he couldn’t remember falling asleep, but he felt well rested.</p><p>The plane taxied and after a brief waiting period, started disembarking.</p><p>He was quickly through airport security. The airport was quite busy, so he didn’t bother grabbing a coffee but headed straight for the line of waiting taxis.</p><p>It would take about 50 minutes to get back to San Jose if the free-way was clear.</p><p>After exchanging perfunctory pleasantries with the driver, they lapsed into silence and Joe stared out the window watching the changing scenery.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Flashback 3 - Cam's hotel room)</p><p>He could feel Cam slowly start to move under him more, he was lying on top of her steadily taking to her second climax, but in his head, he roamed his dark places to detach himself from his physical pleasure.</p><p>They were places he rarely permitted himself to go now, but he felt safe with her, she’d catch him if he fell.</p><p>He thought about Simon and Ryan, they’d meant so much to him, and both had ended their own lives.</p><p>They’d both been too young.</p><p>Simon had been 41, just a year younger than him now, when he’d driven off a steep incline before the disease had a chance to ruin his reputation, less than a year after seeing Joe in Dallas. </p><p>The tabloids dutifully reported the tragic ‘accident’ and his family had been saved the scandal. Such were the times and the effect of the disease in those days.</p><p>Joe’d thought about suicide at several times in his life. </p><p>He knew the pain that could lead someone down that path, but ultimately, he didn’t have the … courage.</p><p>Something had always pulled him back … Fate, maybe? </p><p>In his bleakest times, he’d felt responsible for both men’s deaths, that if they hadn’t met him, they’d still be alive somehow. But he quickly had to rationalise that was just his guilt talking.</p><p>It was easier to dismiss the thought about sweet, brilliant Simon …</p><p>The fucking disease … well, it was just so tragic. </p><p>How many of people did he know who’d died from it?</p><p>Too many. </p><p>It’d been a silent epidemic and he knew narrow-minded bigots who'd been happy about something that was spreading through the gay community, but they were now terrified as it was out in the general population.</p><p>He still couldn’t understand how he’d escaped, when he’d had so many careless encounters and hurt so many in his wake. </p><p>Surely, he deserved it?</p><p>Simon had been so good, so talented, why did it take him?</p><p>He thought that Fate just liked to mess with him, torture him again that he needed to live as there was something important he was supposed to do. </p><p>He still dreamed there was, but he didn’t know if he was just lying to himself.</p><p>Then there was Ryan …</p><p>Ryan, who’d been so naïve, but loyal and protective of Joe like a puppy dog. </p><p>Oh God, Ryan … he still found it hard to think about him. </p><p>He clearly remembered the day he died, although some things from that time were hazy and jumbled through shock and grief.</p><p>The police came a little after 7 a.m. and they’d put a timeline together from the release of the ‘suicide note’ just before midnight and there had been witnesses to his … fall … </p><p>They told Joe that he’d jumped about 30 minutes - just half an hour - before they’d knocked on his door. </p><p>He’d woken up about an hour earlier, relieved himself and gone back to bed. It’d crossed his mind to go out and talk to Ryan, but he decided that 5.55 a.m. was still too early to disturb the young coder. </p><p>Joe lived to regret it.</p><p>He just hadn’t realised how paranoid and on edge Ryan had become in those four months.</p><p>He usually woke up early, but he hadn’t slept well that night, thinking about everything Ryan'd said, did he really think Joe was a hypocrite? Was he? </p><p>Several times in the early hours, he’d talked himself out of going out and trying to convince him otherwise. </p><p>He rationalized that Ryan needed some proper rest after roughing it for so long. </p><p>For sure he’d be tired, scared and not thinking very logically. </p><p>That was why he was lashing out at Joe.</p><p>It’d all be better in the morning.</p><p>Joe’d planned to make him a big breakfast at a more sensible hour and they could talk more about everything again.</p><p>He berated himself, he believed that if only he’d gone out, then in all likelihood, Ryan would still been alive.</p><p>Over the years, he knew that was a destructive train of thought. He couldn’t turn back time. </p><p>He’d tried to imagine those last hours for him, from sending out the message to jumping.</p><p>He didn’t know why, but he hoped Ryan had been able to sleep some and not spend the whole time torturing himself.</p><p>Joe knew what that was like.</p><p>Perhaps he’d only jumped to silence the thoughts endlessly circling round and round.</p><p>Joe'd read and re-read Ryan's message posted not long after Joe had gone to bed. </p><p>He felt sure it hadn't been intended as a suicide note, simply a warning, because of the time between them and it's content.</p><p>He tried to decipher Ryan's meaning, he'd been so excited about the future, begging Joe for the opportunity to work with him on anything and now, it was dangerous? Had he been talking specifically about Joe or in general?</p><p>It hurt both his head and his heart to spend too long going over the puzzle he'd never solve.</p><p>The same was true of the puzzle his mom'd left too.</p><p>Joe knew that Cam’d been right yesterday, it wasn’t his fault. </p><p>But he just found it so hard to let go of his guilt, and his anger at himself at failing to protect the younger man.</p><p>In the evening, he sat out on his balcony after Gordon’d left and he’d returned from walking along the Bay, he drank over half a bottle of a 30-year-old single malt scotch in an effort to numb the pain.</p><p>It'd worked.</p><p>However, he didn’t trust himself to stand, feeling so unbalanced that he might just pitch himself over the balcony as well.</p><p>Then he’d smash down to join his blood forever to what was left Ryan’s, still staining the concrete patio of the apartment block’s private garden, despite having been washed and scrubbed by the block’s maintenance team.</p><p>Terrified, Joe’d crawled back to the relatively safety of his living room floor, closed the glass door on the outside world, balled himself up and cried his eyes out. </p><p>Not that he’d wanted to end his life, he simply hadn’t been able to process everything, it was all too raw.</p><p>Poor misguided Ryan, would he still be alive if he’d stayed at Mutiny, with her? </p><p>If he’d stayed away from the train wreck that was Joe MacMillan? </p><p>He always came back to that.</p><p>Stop it, you can’t change what happened.</p><p>It was four years ago.</p><p>Just stop, he had to be firm with himself.</p><p>The first time he’d thought about suicide was when he was bullied at school, but then he’d had the recent near-death experience of the accident. When he still had fiercely … naively … clung to the dream that he’d lived because there was something better in his future. </p><p>He believed he had to simply endure this, life was testing him and then when if deemed he was worthy, it would bestow its wondrous gifts on him. </p><p>In a way, he was still waiting to be worthy.</p><p>He could clearly remember the anxiety of his parents, even as disoriented and numbed by sedatives and painkillers as he was, when he woke up in the hospital, weak with tubes coming out of him, surrounded by beeping machines.</p><p>Unbeknownst to him, both had been by his side for over a week, silently seething at each other over his unconscious form.</p><p>He was aware of was the all-encompassing rage of his father rushed back from some far-flung corner of the globe, and the inconsolable tears of his mother. </p><p>Fucking Fate …</p><p>His train of thought got derailed, as he felt Cam arch up and her strong internal muscles held his dick in a vice-like grip, instinctively he pushed himself into her further. </p><p>He tensed up and put his face on the pillow next to her, her orgasm was more forceful than the last and his anguished grunts mingled with her ecstatic ones. </p><p>He slipped his hand down around the base of his shaft and pinched firmly to stop himself exploding into her.</p><p>They lay there panting in unison for a while, her in her post-coital bliss and him, coming back from his precipice once again.</p><p>He could feel her moving beneath him and turned his head to kiss her cheek softly, he heard her exhale and thought she was going to say something.</p><p>He got there first, ‘How long’s your flight?’</p><p>His question must have caught her off-guard, and she sounded confused when she answered, ‘Umm … 12 hours plus … ‘</p><p>He said silkily into her ear, ‘Plenty of time to sleep then … I’m gonna make you come all night.’</p><p>There was silence, and he thought she hadn’t heard or worse she didn’t want that or him.</p><p>Then she turned to look at him, ‘Hmm … lucky me.’ she said smiling lighting up the gloom with her pretty post-orgasmic glow. </p><p>She paused before asking, ‘Did you come?’</p><p>He shook his head.</p><p>‘Really so it’s 2-0?’ she said, sounding incredulous, ‘But how did you not?’</p><p>‘Pure talent baby,’ and he attempted to wink at her, not knowing if she saw it or not. </p><p>Although, it had been a close call, he was still fighting a base urge to ram himself into her.</p><p>She burst out laughing, and he joined in, enjoying a moment of light relief. </p><p>It gave him a chance to take his mind off his cock, still encased in the liquid fire of her loins. </p><p>He seriously needed to calm down.</p><p>He moved his head to kiss the soft flesh of her exposed upper arm. He heard her sigh and turned to look back at her, she’d closed her eyes, and her laugh'd frozen on her lips. </p><p>He was able to openly study her, rather than the stolen looks from when she was telling him what he should see amongst all the stands and presentations at COMDEX.</p><p>He thought she was prettier than before; it was the first time he'd ever seen her without her usual blonde. He liked her natural hair colouring and she’d let it grow long. It softened her, and she had an air of self-assurance about her now. </p><p>He could stay like this and just look at her all night.</p><p>He suddenly was aware of two things, one, she was probably falling asleep and two, he was in danger of crushing her lighter frame.</p><p>Without wanting to disturb her just yet, he repositioned his hands, releasing hers and slowly distributed his weight between his arms and legs and raised his body up slightly. She gave a little murmur and shifted her hips under him, his breath caught in his throat as his cock was rolled and pinched by her movement.</p><p>Oh fuck! He bit his lip to be quiet, squeezed his eyes tight and tensed, waiting for the sensations to ease.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0011"><h2>11. Flashback 4 - Cam's Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Another long one - sorry!<br/>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 11</p><p>(SF to San Jose via US-101 S 3.45 p.m.) </p><p>At just 20 minutes into the taxi ride, he was already regretting not stopping for a bottle of water or a cup of coffee at least. </p><p>His mouth felt dry, and he reprimanded himself for not drinking more. </p><p>The wine probably hadn’t helped. </p><p>He’d wait, maybe the feeling would pass or he might fall asleep again.</p><p>If not, well he could always ask the guy to stop at a service station. </p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Flashback 4 - Cam's hotel room)</p><p>Joe felt the tension on his dick lessen as her whole body relaxed under him.</p><p>When he opened his eyes again, he could see her face had softened and slightly turned to the side, he realised that her breathing had slowed and become regular.</p><p>He was thrilled, she’d actually fallen asleep and he was still buried deep within her.</p><p>He figured she’d been pretty busy since arriving and the long plane journey, talking to God knows how many fans, and the late night, would be enough to tire anyone out.</p><p>Although, he was unsure exactly what to do now.</p><p>He really wanted to keep his word, to keep her coming all night. </p><p>Not to mention to keep having sex with her for his own quite pressing need … he thought ruefully.</p><p>Shit … she was asleep. It sank in. </p><p>It seemed wrong to continue now, without her actual consent.</p><p>He stared at her some more and then started to withdraw every so carefully, studying her face for any reaction.</p><p>He froze as he heard a soft 'Aaahh,' from her and her head moved slightly with the effort.</p><p>Oh boy, this was going to be really tough. He fought the desire to just ram himself into her and give himself over to the orgasm he’d denied himself twice.</p><p>Fuck, Cam.</p><p>He suddenly realised that he was going to have to jack off in the bathroom. </p><p>He remembered another time; he’d done the same.</p><p>Ancient history now, but here he was again. </p><p>Jesus, the things he did for her. </p><p>How humiliating.</p><p>He waited until he was sure she was still asleep and started withdrawing again.</p><p>‘No …’ the word was just discernible amongst another moan, quieter than before.</p><p>He searched her face for signs she’d woken up, he leaned in closer and whispered, ‘Cam?’</p><p>‘Mmmm,’ she exhaled through her nose, it sounded distinctly like it was in pleasure rather than a reply.</p><p>He cocked his head, wait … was she dreaming of having sex? </p><p>With who? </p><p>Did he want to know?</p><p>He waited again, fighting with himself. </p><p>Curiosity won out, and he delicately inched himself back into her.</p><p>He was rewarded by a stronger ‘Aaaahhh,’ and a gentle push of her pubis up to his.</p><p>He stopped and waited again. </p><p>She must be awake now. </p><p>No, her breathing was still steady, and he felt her body relax.</p><p>Whatever this was, it was a welcome reprieve and gave him an opportunity to calm down too.</p><p>But he couldn’t stay like this indefinitely and it didn’t seem like she was going to wake up any time soon. </p><p>He started to slowly withdraw again and was almost halfway, when he heard her quietly moan ‘Joe …’</p><p>He stopped, wide-eyed, captivated at hearing his name.</p><p>Oh yes.</p><p>He rationalised that if she were having sex with him in her head, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to wake up and find out it was true?</p><p>Besides, he remembered several times when he’d woken up with her hot little mouth on him and been coerced into an early morning pre-work romp.</p><p>OK, fuck it.</p><p>Fuck her.</p><p>He glided back into her and allowed himself to groan a little louder on purpose, watching her face. He saw her mouth open more as she sighed in response.</p><p>He couldn’t prevent himself from leaning in and kissing her, pushing his tongue into her mouth and exploring without any resistance.</p><p>He started gently fucking her with long languishing strokes, marveling at her softness.</p><p>He broke the kiss so he could watch her reactions. </p><p>At the pinnacle of his second thrust, she groaned, and her body started moving with him.</p><p>He very slowly increased his pace; he was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to stop himself from coming if things got more passionate this time. </p><p>Sex with her was so Goddamn intense. </p><p>So much more than the last few times he’d had it, which had been with escorts. He’d used a service a few times, not that it was a regular thing. He hadn’t felt like getting involved with anyone for a while and it was just easier emotionally. </p><p>He knew something was ‘off’ with him, sex wasn’t doing it for him like it used to. But he hadn’t been sure if it was the situation or there was something physically wrong. </p><p>He’d been with a guy a couple of years ago who’d lost his erection, and he started reading up about impotence, his research had turned into a gateway to other all sorts sexual problems and proclivities. It was amazing what some people got turned on by.</p><p>What his findings did point to was a decline in male sexual performance through ageing, not that automatically meant a decline in quality, rather in quantity. He tried not to be too paranoid.</p><p>Cam was groaning and undulating under him more.</p><p>Her eyes opened briefly, but he wasn’t sure if she really saw him.</p><p>He watched them close tighter, and felt her arms snake around his neck, drawing him down to her. </p><p>He felt her soft mouth push into his beard, searching for his mouth.</p><p>He turned his face to hers and they locked lips in a deep kiss, he fought the natural instinct to close his eyes as he wasn’t sure if she was now awake or if she was … 'sleep-fucking’, if that was a thing. </p><p>He resolved to research it later.</p><p>Her hips started driving up into his, as if trying to increase his tempo.</p><p>She was sighing more ardently, and he was dragged along with her and her growing need.</p><p>Her eyes flicked open for an instant and he saw his lust reflected back in them.</p><p>Fuck … he was so turned on.</p><p>Breathe, Joe, concentrate ... he had to focus so that he didn’t just grind himself into her.</p><p>She repositioned her hands to his back and pulled him into her more. He felt the delicious bite of her nails and moaned into her face again, this time no acting was needed.</p><p>He felt her body tense, and instinctively knew that this climax was going to was going to be immense.</p><p>He tried to slow himself so as not to come before she did.</p><p>Her eyes opened again as she must have felt his change in tempo, ‘Harder, fuck me harder,’ and he felt her teeth at his neck and her nails raked his back.</p><p>OK, she was definitely awake now.</p><p>She flexed her muscles, tightening her passage around his cock.</p><p>Oh fuck, oh fuck, oh fuck …</p><p>He was barely hanging on.</p><p>He let out a deep throaty groan and momentarily buried his head in the pillow … breathe, breathe, he intoned.  </p><p>He started driving into her with a new force. </p><p>Oh, Jesus, this was what he’d been searching for all this time.</p><p>She was the missing piece in the puzzle. </p><p>He experienced a rush of completion deep within himself.</p><p>He closed his eyes and surrendered to her.</p><p>This was it, there was no going back now. </p><p>They were locked together, getting faster and louder in their need for release.</p><p>Cam suddenly cried out, ‘Ahh … aahhhh … I’m coming … I’m coming … yeeessssss … yes!’ as her third orgasm hit, overpowering her.</p><p>It was bigger than the previous two. </p><p>He felt her whole-body tense, her chest rocketed violently into his and the hard stab of her nails as she involuntarily drove them into his back. </p><p>Her internal muscles held his cock in a vice-like grip and they pulsated and rippled around it. </p><p>The action caused a chain reaction as thousands of his nerves fired, his whole spine lit up and shot a blinding light straight into his cerebellum. </p><p>Oh, fucking hell ...</p><p>He was helpless to do anything but push himself into her with even more force. He could only make grunting noises as his whole body started shaking as he exploded into her.</p><p>He could feel his orgasm start from deep down in his very core. It was as though he was riding a wave of pleasure and he felt it reverberating throughout his entire body.</p><p>When he came to, he could still feel her shuddering under him.</p><p>3-1 to her.</p><p>Jesus, he wondered how women bore it, as he lay there panting, trying to normalise after his first, super intense climax of the night. </p><p>Wow.</p><p>His whole being felt as though it was bathed in a warm glow, and the red-hot center was where they were joined.</p><p>Hmmm, it was blissful to be with her again, entwined in her arms.</p><p>He listened as her breathing returned to normal after her orgasm receded.</p><p>He became aware of a strong urge to urinate, and realised that his bladder was uncomfortably full, it having quietly been getting on with its normal function while he was otherwise engaged.</p><p>Shit, he’d have to go soon, but he just wanted to lie in her arms and softly kiss whatever parts of her he could reach, to show her that he loved her and tonight was more than just lust.</p><p>He bit his lip and tried to ignore it.</p><p>‘Oh my God, that was …’ she started breathily.</p><p>His bladder sent urgent signals to his brain … there was no ignoring it.</p><p>Fucking hell!</p><p>OK, OK, he could go and come back and then hold her, he reasoned.</p><p>‘Amazing,’ he kissed her deeply, cutting off whatever she was going to say, ‘Sorry, Cam, I’ve really gotta piss,’ and he abruptly got off her, ripping his dick out from where it was happily nestled.

</p>
<p>He heard her outraged ‘Hey!’ as he headed further into the room, easily finding the bathroom, and blindly searching the wall for the light switch with his outstretched hand.</p><p>Success, but he had to blink rapidly for his eyes to adjust to the sudden brightness.</p><p>He didn’t bother closing the door, it wasn’t anything she hadn’t seen before anyway, with him or now as a married woman, he thought. </p><p>Despite his penis being back to normal, his prostrate was still deflating and blocking his ability to urinate. He stood there holding himself in one hand and supporting himself against the wall with his other. </p><p>Relax, relax, just relax. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. </p><p>He avoided thinking of the fantastic sex and instead listened intently for any noises from the room, but there was just silence.</p><p>After standing there for what seemed an age, but was in fact just over a minute, he was able to start emptying his bladder and he sighed in relief.</p><p>He shook himself, flushed and walked out, surprised by Cam coming in. He caught her in an embrace and kissed her, and when he broke off, he apologised again. </p><p>She shook her head and called him an asshole.</p><p>He figured it was fair.</p><p>On his way back to the bed, he spotted her passport with her plane ticket inside on the bedside table before the room was plunged back into darkness as she’d closed the door behind her.</p><p>He went to the window and looked out over the Strip, he could see groups of people wandering around. Did Vegas ever sleep? He wondered idly. </p><p>Then he glanced at his watch, it was 12.57 a.m. He hadn’t looked when they’d left the party, but it was earlier than he’d guessed.</p><p>She’d said she had an early flight and he wondered what time she needed to go. He hated to think of it, but he wanted to avoid giving her any reason to be pissed at him. He was tempted to look at her ticket, but it felt like snooping, so he’d just ask her.</p><p>He looked back into the room and just made out her open suitcase with its contents spilling out, her clothes cascaded down as if anxious to join their hurriedly discarded brethren on the floor. </p><p>Still the same messy old Cam, and he smiled despite himself.</p><p>She was taking her sweet time.</p><p>He felt a sudden twinge of uncertainty.</p><p>Did she regret what they’d done?</p><p>He lay down on the bed, stretching himself out and exhaled. </p><p>He had to push the thought from his mind and not keep thinking the worst.</p><p>OK, how to continue? He figured it would take him a least another couple of hours until he got a hard on again, and he slipped his hand down to check himself … nope, nada …</p><p>He sighed in frustration, Goddamn the so-called natural order of things, which according to most scientific studies had men’s sexual peak in their late teens to mid-20s while women’s was in mid-30 to 40s.</p><p>Cam would be supposedly hitting hers soon when he had already started a slow decline.</p><p>How was that right?</p><p>Not that she seemed any different than he remembered, she’d always had a very healthy sexual appetite, it was one of the things he really enjoyed about her.</p><p>Although, if they were going to continue tonight, he was going to have to raise his game and be pretty inventive with just his mouth and fingers.</p><p>He was disappointed that getting head was probably off the table now.</p><p>Fucking hell, get over it, be grateful for this, he admonished himself.</p><p>He glanced at the closed door again, and he couldn’t hear any sound. </p><p>What was she doing?</p><p>He let his eyes close and his body relaxed.</p><p>The room was dark and peaceful …</p><p>						        ......…</p><p>								   … he felt his head fall and it woke him up. </p><p>Not the time to sleep, he told himself.</p><p>OK … he checked his watch again, 1.04 a.m.</p><p>He thought again about what he was going to do to her when she came back, flicking through the selection that he’d read about, and lots of touching and exploring, and not just of the obvious areas either.</p><p>He heard the toilet flush and the door opened. </p><p>He stayed still, feigning sleep to see what she’d do.</p><p>She was so quiet, whereas usually she just crashed around.</p><p>He felt the bed dip slightly as she laid down and he heard her quietly exhale. She sounded annoyed, probably assuming he was sleeping.</p><p>He risked a glance, rolled over and pulled her into his arms, ‘What time’s your flight?’ he asked.</p><p>'Oh! I thought you were asleep,’ she said a little archly.</p><p>He ignored it, kissed the top of her head and caressed her cheek instead.</p><p>She sighed, ’10, but I should be at the airport for 8.’ </p><p>He quickly calculated time for showering, packing, and getting to the airport, ‘OK, up for … 6? 6.30?’</p><p>‘Ah, yeah, I’ve booked a call from reception.’ But her voice sounded strange, far away. </p><p>He felt like he shouldn’t push her any more, he didn’t want to risk upsetting her somehow.</p><p>‘What time’s it now?’ she asked urgently.</p><p>‘Just after one.’</p><p>‘Oh!’ in surprise.</p><p>He slid his fingertips softy down her throat, traced a line across her sternum and settled on her breast, he heard her say his name as though she wanted to talk … he wondered if she’d reconsidered and was now regretting everything. </p><p>He didn’t want to end the night, so he selfishly stopped her by pressing his lips tenderly on hers.</p><p>If she really wanted him to stop, he would, but for now he’d keeping pushing his luck.</p><p>He felt her sigh as his hand travelled lower and caressed her stomach. </p><p>Then he daringly moved lower again.</p><p>She could still stop him at any time, just by saying. </p><p>He extended his index finger, which glided easily past her moist lips and very gently ran it down the length of her clitoris, caressing the small organ with whole of his finger. </p><p>He felt her shiver in pleasure, she moaned right into his mouth and spread her legs, surrendering to him.</p><p>And we’re back, he thought.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0012"><h2>12. Home (The Bread Crumb)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 12</p><p>(Home 4.18 p.m.) </p><p>The taxi ride passed without incident, there’d been a slight delay on the freeway getting out of the city but nothing major.</p><p>Joe did fall asleep briefly, until the guy had to pump the brakes sharply to avoid a couple of kids playing on their bikes, who had swerved dangerously into the taxi's path. </p><p>The driver swore and then quickly apologised for both his outburst and waking him. </p><p>He realised he was only a couple of blocks from home now.</p><p>Joe assured him it was fine. </p><p>A few times he’d had some near misses with some of the neighborhood kids too. It was good that he worked from home and didn’t need to drive around much. </p><p>God knows what the parents were thinking.</p><p>Still, at least they were out and about not stuck in playing video games in a self-imposed lockdown, as so many seemed to be doing nowadays. </p><p>The times he ventured out, on his morning run, food shopping or picking up an occasional take-away, he saw more and more overweight kids than there had been a few years ago, and it was so different from his own childhood.</p><p>He mused over how quickly things had changed with the advances in technology, there were always unforeseen negatives that went hand in hand with them.</p><p>The taxi pulled up outside a large old-style block in a sleepy suburb. He paid the fare and walked up the stairs to his third floor apartment. </p><p>It’d reminded him of the family home he’d grown up in, and he’d fallen in love with the place, the spacious rooms and its calming colors. It was quiet too; he liked the quiet more and more as he got older. </p><p>He loved the light that streamed in through the large bay windows during the day and that many of the internal doors had been taken off giving it a more open feeling than it would have had otherwise.</p><p>It was markedly different from his designer penthouse, which he’d loved until that fateful day and then he couldn’t bear it.</p><p>He’d found it a couple of months after Ryan’s death, after going to a hotel for a few days and then moving into a temporary rental in San Jose through a lawyer contact. He hadn’t wanted to leave SF, but he found he actually preferred the slower pace.</p><p>He’d been worn out from the fall out, not only from Ryan, but the publicity and failure of MacMillan Utility. He liked that he could just walk around San Jose, it felt smaller somehow, although it actually wasn't.</p><p>He dropped his bag in the hall and went straight to the fax machine, where he’d left the memo that Donna’d sent untouched. </p><p>He hesitated for a second before snatching up the two pages and reading it.</p><p>Donna’d contacted Joe out of the blue and had wanted him to give it to Cameron, believing that it was ‘perfect’ for her, but he’d stubbornly refused to be used, knowing of the bad blood between them.</p><p>It wasn’t as if he’d been on great talking terms with Cam. The last time he’d seen her before this weekend, was visiting her on Hallowe’en four years ago to ask for her help finding Ryan. </p><p>Then, after Ryan, there was nothing more to say after she left for Japan with her husband.</p><p>It wasn’t as if he was a great place anyway.</p><p>She’d escaped the both the bitter pill of Mutiny’s IPO failure and even worse, the betrayal of everyone who she’d ever trusted.</p><p>She’d rebooted her life and he couldn’t blame her.</p><p>He'd done the same, hadn't he?</p><p>If he’d gone to COMDEX as Donna’s messenger, he suspected she’d have just dismissed him out of hand. </p><p>He knew her too well; her anger ran deep.</p><p>He’d been right, judging by her incendiary reaction to Donna on the balcony in Vegas.</p><p>He figured that it would look like he’d planned this all along, old Joe being good at manipulation and out manoeuvring competitors or colleagues to get his own way.</p><p>But he’d been taken by surprise by the turn of events, Cam being interested it the idea and wanting him to be involved too.</p><p>He’d just wanted to see her again.</p><p>He mused that it was strange what Fate did when he stopped pushing so hard.</p><p>The irony wasn’t lost on him.</p><p>He read the memo quickly, and then allowed the information to percolate, not wanting to make any impulsive decisions. </p><p>But he already knew he was in. </p><p>It could be garbage, but if it meant a chance, however slim, to reconnect with Cam, he'd take it.</p><p>He went to his kitchen; drinking some water while boiling some more to make some tea. </p><p>He took it and the memo to his desk and carefully re-read it, circling parts and making notes.</p><p>He wondered what Donna’s motivation was, what was in it for her?</p><p>He hadn’t kept tabs on Donna in the same way he had with Cam and Gordon, but her name had kept cropping up in some of the same circles he was in and he knew enough.</p><p>She reminded him of his younger self now, the ruthless business person, and he was sure that was why there was resistance to her. </p><p>He had no problem with women in positions of power, he even hoped that one day they would supersede the misogynistic old guard. </p><p>Maybe they could create a different way of running a business, not so cut-throat or just swinging their dicks around. He instantly thought of Ken from MacMillan Utility and Jesse, his brief replacement at Westgroup, and then a plethora of others he’d been in contact with over the years. </p><p>On the one hand, he was happy for Donna, she was smart and should be more than just writing reports or being a mom.</p><p>He remembered how she’d outsmarted him back in ‘83 and recovered over 90-something plus percent of Cam’s BIOS, and the astonished looks from the other male engineers.</p><p>He hadn’t appreciated it at the time, but seeing how Gordon deferred to her, he’d come to realise she was just as talented too but overlooked because of her gender. </p><p>The same way as Cam had been.</p><p>She’d made a mistake with the Giant, well technically it was Gordon’s mistake. Donna’s boss, Hunt had simply intercepted the fax he’d sent to her. That fact had conveniently got lost in Gordon’s allegations of her cheating on him.</p><p>That didn’t matter in the long run, they’d all made mistakes, even him, even Cam.</p><p>He realised what he still held against her was hurting Cam, despite not knowing exactly what went down at Mutiny. </p><p>Cam’d told him at COMDEX that ‘we fucked it up all on our own,’ so he understood she meant she'd played a part in its downfall too, it hadn’t just been Donna.</p><p>Cam’d freely acknowledged she wasn’t a ‘people person’, although he could see she’d matured and got better in that area, probably because of what’d happened with Mutiny.</p><p>As with him, failures were such vital lessons.</p><p>But Joe would always be Cam’s corner, even if that was against himself and meant he’d lose. He’d been surprised that even after everything Cam'd done to him, Westgroup and his marriage, he still protected her. </p><p>It was one of the reasons that he knew he still loved her, really loved her.</p><p>He fired up his computer and set about finding out as much as he could about the World Wide Web and its creator Tim Berners-Lee.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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<a name="section0013"><h2>13. Flashback 5 - Cam's Hotel Room</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Long and juicy ...<br/>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 13</p><p>(Flashback 5 - Cam's hotel room)</p><p>Joe broke off the kiss and turned himself so he could leave a trail of small kisses down her throat, following the same path that his hand had, but infinitely slower and he stopped along the way to gently nip and suck her nipples to hardness.</p><p>Then he pulled the tip of his tongue down over her belly, and lower, enjoying how she groaned.</p><p>He backed himself off of the bed, kneeling on the soft carpet as he reached back to her.</p><p>He gently pulled her down so that his mouth would be able to reach her pussy and her legs dangled down..</p><p>His hand was still at work between her legs when his mouth arrived there and took over.</p><p>He repositioned his arm, hooking it under her leg and coming back over the top of her hip, allowing his hand to rest over her pubis. He could now spread her pussy lips wide apart with his fingers, opening her up completely to him.</p><p>He softly blew right into her, letting know that he was looking right into her.</p><p>He felt her tense in anticipation.</p><p>He looked up and enjoyed the sight before him, Cam naked and spread open, eyes closed, mouth parted, one hand at her breast and her stomach rising and falling in eagerness.</p><p>Christ, she was so fucking beautiful. He could look at her forever.</p><p>He loved going down on her and feeling her desire drench him as his actions drove her increasingly wild.</p><p>He made his tongue into a dart and ghosted around her outer labia, enjoying the contrast between her course pubic hair and the smooth inner skin.</p><p>He paid particular attention to the now exposed sensitive join at the top and watched as her eyes opened to slits, hoping the sight of him looking back at her between her legs would have the same effect as when she did it to him.</p><p>He withdrew his tongue briefly and let his breath fall on her clitoris, she groaned and pushed her hips forward.</p><p>He rewarded her by dipping down to her opening and drawing his flattened tongue back up. He then darted again over her engorged clitoris and back up to the outer rim, teasing her terribly by moving over her sensitive organ too quickly.</p><p>She was biting her lip now, and he felt her thighs tremble against his shoulders.</p><p>This was good, he could spend at least an hour doing this, if she’d let him anyway.</p><p>She usually would be too impatient and want to be fucked.</p><p>The memories of their previous relationship and its strongly sexual nature were flooding back to him, maybe helped by her familiar aroma and taste.</p><p>He carried on working his way around the outside of her and gradually moved more into the middle, wanting to tease her to distraction.</p><p>He felt her hand in his hair move down to the base of his skull and pull him more into her, having to lean her body to one side to do so.</p><p>She was sighing and moving her hips trying to angle her clit up, so it got more of his attention.</p><p>He slowly eased his index finger into her and extended his thumb to move in small circles around her engorged bud. She let out a guttural sigh and he felt something deep inside of him respond to her.</p><p>After a few lazy circles and watching her, he withdrew his finger only to add another two fingers, pushing into her and stretching her more. He felt her shiver as he filled her completely and lightly blew on her sensitive little organ again.</p><p>Her whole body quivered delightfully.</p><p>OK, now to try something new, he thought.</p><p>He carefully covered his teeth with his lips and opened his mouth wide to take her whole clit and the surrounding area in. His saliva added to the lubrication already there. He slowly started to open and close his mouth, gently sucking her most intimate parts up into his mouth.</p><p>She stopped under him, adjusting to the new sensations he was provoking and he heard her groan loudly. Then her thighs juddered lusciously against him.</p><p>Good, he thought, now for the next level … he extended the tip of his tongue down to her clitoris and let it flick, moving with the motion of his mouth, aiming to tantalize rather than to stimulate.</p><p>She gasped in shock.</p><p>He felt her hips rock up and realized the power and potential danger there as her hard pubis bone came and smashed into his face.</p><p>He eased himself backwards with his strong neck and shoulders, but seemingly to counter his movement, her legs came up behind his neck and searched for purchase, her ankles settling near his arm pits.</p><p>She squeezed her thighs and drew her legs in, locking him position.</p><p>He was effectively encased in her and he let her set the pace, moving with her to avoid injury.</p><p>His problem now was breathing. His nose was pressed into her and he wasn’t able to get enough air, so he broke the seal of his lips, taking in large gasps so he could ‘stay under’ for longer.</p><p>He closed his mouth not wanting to accidently bite off his own tongue.</p><p>He felt her legs increase their pressure and she pushed him further into her.</p><p>Jesus, was she trying to force him up into her, in a reverse birthing process?</p><p>He didn’t remember this being so … violent before.</p><p>He knew that he’d be able get out if he really needed, but he hadn’t experienced a female orgasm, well hers, like this for a long time and it was enthralling.</p><p>Her internal muscles constricted around his fingers, crushing them together. He wondered if they were as satisfying for her as his dick. There was a similar girth but a few inches shorter even with his long fingers.</p><p>He felt her speed up and she was grinding herself right against him, fucking his face so hard that her lower half had arched off the bed. As his hands were also trapped, he was awkwardly balancing on his elbows.</p><p>Cam thrust herself into him again and again, he got into a rhythm of inhaling and exhaling between them.</p><p>Please come, he thought, it was getting hard to maintain his position as she gyrated up against him.</p><p>She changed speed and seemed to hook herself under more, allowing for a subtle change of direction as well to a longer stroke of her clit against his mouth.</p><p>The heat generated was incredible, he’d wouldn’t be able to stay there much longer and tried to help her out by pushing his fingers further in to her, ignoring the pain in his thumb and little finger as they were being forced to bend the wrong way.</p><p>Then he could feel rather than hear her rising moans as her whole body moved with her breathing. It was going to be soon, he thought.</p><p>He felt her tense up and braced himself.</p><p>Suddenly, everything was vibrating around him, and he felt as though she was going to crush him.</p><p>There was also a rush of more lubrication as she came, which coated his face even more.</p><p>But he was preoccupied as he couldn’t breathe, her pubis had pushed up even harder and her legs were forcing him down. He felt his neck complain under the pressure.</p><p>He hoped she’d relax soon; he’d hold on until self-preservation got the better of him.</p><p>She didn’t, she only seemed to tense up more.</p><p>So he started pushing her pussy away with his hands still buried in her and he backed out from under her legs, she didn’t seem to notice, still riding on the wave of her intense orgasm.</p><p>He was entranced watching her face, while he got his breath back. He licked his lips and put his tongue into the side of his beard, which was sticky with her juices. He sucked on his fingers with relish … hmmm delicious.</p><p>Cam’s shuddering was coming to a stop, and she opened her eyes, looking straight into his.</p><p>‘That was fun. I thought you were going to suffocate me; it’d would been a hell of a way to go … ‘</p><p>She panted and then smiled, part satisfaction, part amusement.</p><p>‘Hmm-mm, you always tasted so good.’ He gone down on other women, but none had come close to her.</p><p>He figured that her diet of junk food and sugar probably had a lot to do with it.</p><p>Ironically, it’d been something he’d tried to change when they’d been together.</p><p>He resolved to research it later.</p><p>‘Come up here and kiss me.’ she said silkily.</p><p>Obediently, he climbed back up alongside her and as he leaned in, she stopped him by holding his face in her hands. She delicately started licking her juices off of him, probing his mouth and his lips.</p><p>He smiled, God she was amazing … and he felt himself stiffening … ooh, this was unexpected.</p><p>He resisted the urge to check his watch, knowing she’d misinterpret it.</p><p>But he estimated that it couldn’t be more than 30 or 40 minutes since the bathroom break, and his first orgasm.</p><p>Wow.</p><p>Cam pushed her tongue into his facial hair and even lapped at his nose.</p><p>He rolled back on the bed, pulling her on top, and she pushed herself against his slowly growing erection.</p><p>He made a deep rumble in his throat and his hand cupped her buttock possessively pressing her down onto his cock more.</p><p>‘Mmm … aaahh,’ she sighed softly, ‘I’m not fond of the beard, too scratchy,’ she complained, stopping her licking and looking straight into his eyes.</p><p>He luxuriated in the feeling of her lying on top of him with his arms around her.</p><p>She was right there; he could feel her breath on his face, he could just move his head and he’d be kissing her again.</p><p>He felt like pinching himself.</p><p>‘Oh, shame. I rather like it.’ he said and jutted out his chin and rubbed it on her face, juices and all.</p><p>‘Hey!’ she said in mock outrage, and he chuckled at her.</p><p>He did like his beard, it meant he didn’t have the drag of shaving every other day or more realistically every day nowadays to be clean shaven.</p><p>He looked at her, smiling back at him.</p><p>Without thinking, he suddenly had to touch her hair, it'd been short when they'd been together before.</p><p>Now it was long and dark and he buried his fingers into it, pulling it out softly, 'I love you hair, sexy.' it was beautiful, his voice was just a whisper.</p><p>She smiled and looked down, embarrassed.</p><p>Fuck, he'd really missed this.</p><p>Missed her.</p><p>He sat up, moving nearly to her, he had to tell her, ‘Cam …’</p><p>‘Don’t.’ she looked at him again, and a thrill went through him, but she cut him off and put a finger over his lips.</p><p>He swallowed.</p><p>Had he ruined everything now? Would she tell him to leave, just when things were going well?</p><p>Fuck, why couldn’t he be old Joe just for tonight and just shut up?</p><p>What she said next took him completely by surprise, ‘OK, it’s my turn. I’m going to give you head.’</p><p>OK, screw old Joe, new Joe’s doing just fine, ‘Oh … OK ...’ He was thrilled but he’d have to tell her his dirty little secret, and so he continued, ‘Just so you know, it takes me a bit longer to … get hard the second time around. It’s not you, it’s all me, an age thing … apparently.’</p><p>She just smiled back at him indulgently, ‘Uh … OK … right. Good to know … so first a little flavor.’</p><p>She moved so she was straddling him, and she sat back trapping his semi-hardness against his belly.</p><p>She slid her pussy deliberately along it, grinding her clit into him more, giving it lots of attention.</p><p>He loved it when she took control and he didn’t have to come up with everything, just lie back and enjoy it for once.</p><p>It felt amazing, she was exerting a different kind of pressure on his cock, and it had the advantage of allowing him to look at her naked body too.</p><p>Oh fuck, this was what he wanted.</p><p>He experienced a rush of desire and felt more blood being pumped into his cock, and she’d obviously felt it too and arched her eyebrows, holding his gaze.</p><p>He didn’t think she believed what he’d told her.</p><p>‘Nnna … aaahhhh,’ was all he could say, and saw her smile before he closed his eyes and swallowed.</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>He put his hands lightly on her thighs to support her.</p><p>She moved forward, pulling herself off him, with her face hovering above his.</p><p>His eyes flicked open, ‘Tell me what you want, Joe.’ echoing his earlier challenge, but she was only teasing him.</p><p>A smile twitched up from the corners of his mouth, he answered her truthfully, 'To make you happy.’</p><p>She lent down and gave him a teasing kiss, ‘Good answer,’ she said smiling while looking straight into his eyes.</p><p>She ground her hips back onto his growing member.</p><p>Oh fuck, this was so hot.</p><p>He groaned into her mouth.</p><p>Cam got off and knelt beside him, she tenderly kissed his throat and his upper chest, which she knew he loved and followed the same path that he’d taken with her.</p><p>He wasn’t sure what she meant when he heard her whisper 'OK,’ but soon forgot as he was distracted when he felt her hot mouth on his left nipple.</p><p>Her hands were busy reacquainting themselves with his scars and his neglected right nipple, which had come close to being bisected by his fall all those years ago.</p><p>She moved herself slowly downward, teasing him now.</p><p>Aaaahhhh, this was so nice, an unhurried prelude to a much-loved event.</p><p>He didn’t know what it was about his scars, but all of his lovers seemed obsessed with them.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>He’d tried to hide them in the first few years of their arrival, the painful memory of how they were created was too fresh.</p><p>He thought they were his Achilles’ heel.</p><p>He’d been wrong.</p><p>The nature of his early experiences with boys, both furtive and rushed, with only minimal removal of clothing, where there was usually one partner behind the other, had made it easy to avoid all those awkward questions and painful memories.</p><p>As he’d got older and more confident, he always preferred to be the one doing the fucking with new male encounters.</p><p>It’d become his habit, whether he was with a man or a woman, because it was easier and less emotionally involved than face to face.</p><p>Later, after he’d got better at lying and keeping his emotions in check, he’d started using his wounds to garner sympathy.</p><p>At his new school, he’d found it easy to manipulate his hook-ups, of either gender, into doing whatever he wanted, initially for with sex, but that was just the start.</p><p>His hidden angst was a great excuse to break up with them too … ‘It’s not you, it’s me …’</p><p>They gave him some kind of magical power. As long as he didn’t use the real story, which was still too hard for him to bear.</p><p>He got reputation for being moody and mysterious.</p><p>It somehow made him more attractive.</p><p>He also learned and took to heart the old adage ‘treat ‘em mean, keep ‘em keen.’</p><p>He developed the ruthlessness that would be useful in the business world too.</p><p>As he got more skilled, he found it easy to manipulate anyone; his so-called friends, trysts, wannabe girlfriend-types and even teachers and other adults, would all fall under his spell.</p><p>He didn’t even need to use his scars any more.</p><p>They’d paved the way for his eventual re-birth as Joe MacMillan, arrogant, marketing extraordinaire.</p><p>As he’d got older, the scars had become part of him.</p><p>He’d couldn’t actually remember what he looked like without them any more.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Cam had slowly worked her way down to one of the lowest one and he felt both his desire rise along with his cock.</p><p>She moved herself down to kneel between his legs and he opened them enough to accommodate her.</p><p>He wondered if he’d be able to come again so soon, everything was pointing to yes, but he was in uncharted territory now.</p><p>He gasped in shock and as she forcefully pushed his thighs wide apart, exposing him to her fully.</p><p>Oh fuck yes ...</p><p>He watched her every move; the sweet torture of anticipation heightened everything.</p><p>His cock jerked upright as more blood filled it, it seemed to be demanding her attention.</p><p>She locked eyes with him, and then looked at his dick, grinning mischievously.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He knew she’d make him beg and couldn’t wait, if it meant she’d touch him.</p><p>He felt the same mix of excitement and terror as though he was about to address a room full of people, commanding their attention and bending them to his will.</p><p>Ever so delicately she scratched her nails along the soft skin of his thighs, moving upwards.</p><p>He felt a tremble in his legs and the pit of his stomach.</p><p>She continued back up from his thighs to around his sensitive area. She carefully avoided touching him but moved agonisingly close, she leaned in and blew on his cock.</p><p>He started panting with desire, succumbing more quickly to her light teasing than before, perhaps from the years of waiting for it.</p><p>It was a huge effort just to keep his eyes open.</p><p>Oh fuck, Cam …</p><p>He felt himself harden even more as she dug her thumbnail into his thigh, leaving a white-hot trail of pain.</p><p>He couldn’t help but push his hips forward and inhale sharply.</p><p>He wanted to touch his throbbing cock so badly … to throw her on the bed and just fuck her …</p><p>No, no, no, wait, wait, it’ll be worth it, he told himself.</p><p>He was trapped by her gaze as she purposefully looked at him while extending her tongue.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He stopped breathing and tensed up automatically, waiting for her to touch him.</p><p>Her head went down, and he could just feel her tongue delicately on his testicles.</p><p>'Hhherrrr,' he grunted.</p><p>Her eyes came back into view as she slowly started to come up.</p><p>At the halfway point, he pushed himself forward wanting to feel more, she frowned and stopped him with a shake of her head.</p><p>He understood the unspoken warning, she’d end it if he didn’t behave.</p><p>They’d fallen back into their familiar ways so quickly; seven years vanishing in an instant.</p><p>Oh fuck …</p><p>She reached his tip and rewarded him by closing her mouth over his head, he gave a deep moan and couldn’t stop his eyes closing in pleasure.</p><p>Fuck, fuck, fuck …</p><p>She’d started slowly, using her lips and her tongue, and closed her hand firmly around the base of his shaft.</p><p>Jesus-fucking-Christ.</p><p>His eyes opened and closed as he struggled to keep watching her, his hands bunching up the bedsheets, in an effort to keep them occupied.</p><p>Cam’s tongue lashed his shaft relentlessly, it made him feel like she was completely obsessed with his dick.</p><p>‘Aaaaahh,’ his senses were overwhelmed … he bit his lip and swallowed hard.</p><p>No, don’t come, don’t come, no, no, no, NO! he intoned.</p><p>She then moved lower and he had a slight reprieve.</p><p>He revelled in the unusual sensation when she gently sucked one of his testes into her mouth.</p><p>He was thrilled when she emulated him by using her mouth to exert a gentle pressure on his ball.</p><p>He tensed his thighs again and his hips gave an involuntary twinge.</p><p>She always had been a quick study, he thought proudly.</p><p>She lightly grasped his shaft again and eased up slowly, her thumb on top. She caressed his frenulum before heading back down, starting a teasing rhythm. Her other hand lazily caressing his side and heading down to the side of his buttock and across his thigh before heading back up in another direction.</p><p>He moaned, pushing his hips forward more.</p><p>She smirked and stopped, ‘Tell me what you want, Joe.’</p><p>He looked at her, for good measure, she made sure he could see her parted lips, and that her breath fell on his straining erection.</p><p>He knew it was just a trick, but that didn’t mean it hadn’t worked.</p><p>He grunted and pushed his hips further trying to manoeuvre himself back into her waiting mouth.</p><p>Damn, Cam.</p><p>‘Uh-uh, you’ve gotta tell me.’ she said as she moved back out of reach and gave him a wolf-like grin.</p><p>Touché he thought, half-smiling, allowing her the win.</p><p>‘I want you to give me head. I want to feel your mouth on my dick.’ his voice was thick with desire.</p><p>‘That wasn’t so hard was it? Unlike this …’ implying his cock as she went down on him.</p><p>‘Aaaaahhhh,’ he moaned.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0014"><h2>14. Flashback 6 - Cam's Hotel Room/Home (Future Thoughts)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Warning - explicit sexual content</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Ch 14</p><p>Home - 5.56 p.m.</p><p>Joe’s apartment was dark, only the light of the computer screen illuminated it. </p><p>The only sound was his mouse clicking and his occasional murmurs.</p><p>He’d been researching for over an hour and a half.</p><p>There were real possibilities here, his mind was racing. </p><p>He felt the old familiar excitement, something he hadn’t felt in a long time.</p><p>He knew the World Wide Web was important.</p><p>Gordon’s NSFNET would be crucial too. He resolved to call him ASAP and run this past him too. </p><p>His stomach growled.</p><p>He was surprised at the time when he checked the clock on the computer and looked at his watch to confirm it.</p><p>He stood up and stretched himself, his muscles ached from sitting so long.</p><p>He turned on some lights and took the remnants of his tea, which had long ago grown cold, out to the kitchen.</p><p>He grabbed his jacket and headed out to pick up some Chinese.</p><p>On the way, he thought about everything he’d learned. </p><p>There was a conference, the Hypertext Conference happening in Paris, France in just over a week, and Berners-Lee was going to be there. </p><p>He decided to go, even if nothing panned out with Donna and Cam, he’d pursue it anyway.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>(Flashback 6 - Cam's hotel room)</p><p>He was back to tidying his closet, cleaning the crud out of the back of the sofa, anything to fight the growing feelings she was provoking in him.   </p><p>But he couldn’t maintain it, the waves of pleasure were too high, and they kept breaking through.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He writhed and moaned trying to just stay in the delicious shallows of bliss she was provoking. </p><p>Oh God.</p><p>But in addition to what she was doing to his cock with her mouth and her hand, her other hand was roaming freely over other parts of him, such as his chest and belly, his thighs, calves and forearms, anywhere she could reach.</p><p>She varied her touch between light and feathery strokes, maddening raking of her nails, to driving them into his flesh in and pulling back, causing him sumptuous pain. </p><p>He never knew where or how she was going to touch him next and the feelings all shot back into his core, adding to the mounting sensations. He couldn’t stop himself being taken higher and higher.</p><p>He gripped onto the sheet for dear life, this was a real white-knuckle ride. </p><p>This was what he’d wanted, what he remembered.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>He was panting for breath and stopped trying to keep his eyes open, to watch her.</p><p>He was dangerously close to coming. </p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>She seemed intent on taking him all the way. </p><p>She’d want him to beg her to stop and there would be some back and forth, but he was too far gone for that. </p><p>He had only two options now, he was torn between letting her continue and stopping her … he knew that would be breaking the ‘rules’, it wasn’t how this game was played. </p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>By some miracle he’d gotten hard again, and he wasn’t going to waste it. </p><p>He wanted to bury himself in her and fuck her one more time before this magical night was over.</p><p>She pinched his nipple, he sucked air in between his teeth … ‘Ssssssssss.’ </p><p>Oh fuck …OK, enough …</p><p>‘No … no, Cam, stop … stop!’ he rose up and grasped one of her hands and delicately, but firmly extracted his cock from her mouth with the other.</p><p>‘Hey … no!’ she tried to push him away, but he held onto her. </p><p>He was right, she was really pissed.</p><p>‘Wait, wait,’ he pulled her up to lie next to him on the bed again and held his straining dick away from her, he was breathing hard.</p><p>‘Hey …‘ he knew the tone well, she was about to unleash a tirade of abuse, he had to make her understand.</p><p>‘Cam, wait, listen …’ he interrupted her, speaking rapidly in between his breaths. He interlaced his fingers with hers, needing to placate her.</p><p>He exhaled forcefully and he spoke again, ‘Listen, Cam, I’m really not like how I was before, if I come again that’s it, game over.’ </p><p>He stopped, searching her face, appealing to her, ‘I wanna make it last; I wanna please you.’ He paused for breath, he’d try flattery now, slipping back into silver-tongued Joe automatically, not that any of it was a lie, ‘That … that was amazing, it … was … [sigh] … better than amazing.’ </p><p>She was looking at him wide-eyed, but her anger was still visible, so he continued in earnest, ‘And I totally love that you’re so into it, it’s always been such a turn on … it’s so … you’re so … hot, but I don’t need … to come to enjoy myself … really … I don’t … OK?’ </p><p>In his head, he added, I just need to be with you. </p><p>It was true, he didn’t need to come, although it would be lying if he’d said he didn’t want to ...</p><p>He moved his lower body away from her to avoid any accidental touches.</p><p>He quickly kissed her forcing her onto her back before she could reply, and he stroked her body with his free hand.</p><p>When he broke the kiss, he held her gaze and could see she was processing what he’d said. </p><p>He moved his hand down to her breast and started pinching her nipple with the same pressure she’d just used on him. </p><p>He was pleased when he heard her moan in pleasure.</p><p>He was still way up high, and his lust got the better of him, he kissed her passionately, as though he wanted to devour her.</p><p>She kissed him back, closing her eyes, it was her turn to surrender.</p><p>He felt he'd had a narrow escape.</p><p>He started planting small kisses down her body, he used his hands and mouth to explore her, he wasn’t in any hurry and used the time to plan his next ‘attack’.</p><p>He needed to give his dick a total break, so cunnilingus again? No, the memory of the last time was a bit too fresh.</p><p>He glanced up at her face, her eyes were closed and she seemed content to let him do what he wanted.</p><p>He figured this was probably going to be the last time before they really called it a night and he wanted to make it last as long as possible.</p><p>He had to prevent her from falling to sleep again. </p><p>Sex between them had evolved from her routinely seducing him as some kind of supposed recharge or brain break when she was ‘stuck’ while she was writing the BIOS for the Giant at Cardiff, then become a more regular occurrence as he’d let his guard down and let her in and love had developed.</p><p>He found it ironic that she’d been the one to push so hard to get him to open up and yet, now he was the one completely obsessed with her.</p><p>Shit, he was obsessed, and this wasn’t going to help him.</p><p>The sex had pretty much always been full on, hot and dirty. It was how he’d liked it, and she did too. </p><p>As they’d opened themselves up to each other there had been a slowing down and a softening too, it’d become gentler. </p><p>Well, mostly anyway, unless they’d drunk too much or used some ‘marital aids’ and their true carnal natures would reappear again.</p><p>They’d started the night almost the same way, almost violent in their need for each other and now he wanted to savour it.</p><p>He hoped she felt the same.</p><p>He moved down her body, stopping between her legs. He stroked the tops of her thighs and gently parted them with only the soft pressure of his thumbs, he breathed on her pubic hair and smiled as she shivered in anticipation.</p><p>He had an idea, something he’d read about but had never tried. </p><p>He moved lower, using his mouth to kiss and lick his way down her thigh, her knee and her calf and settled on her foot, meaning he was kneeling back on the plush carpet, off the bed. </p><p>His arms were outstretched and followed their way down. He bent her knees more and drew her feet together. The action opened up her pussy to his view more. He let his hands caress their way back up her legs, to rest lightly on her thighs.</p><p>He steeled himself for the next part, that of licking and kissing her feet. Something he’d read said it felt amazing, there apparently being some latent connection between the feet and genitalia and asserted that foot tickling was part of an early sexual experience.</p><p>Well, all he could do was try.</p><p>He focused on the pleasure he was going to give her and tried to ignore the fact that she’d been in the same shoes all day.</p><p>He wanted to watch her reaction and appreciated the view of her laid bare and spread-eagled before him again.</p><p>He kissed his way up to her big toe and took it into his mouth and started mimicking giving head, which came back to him easily despite being out of practice.</p><p>He was thrilled at the gasp she gave as he started sucking.</p><p>She opened her eyes wide and he could see surprise mixed with desire. </p><p>God, how he loved delighting her.</p><p>He enjoyed the push of her hips and how she opened up wider to him. </p><p>Hmm, so there was something in it …</p><p>He felt the tremble in her legs and watched her fight to keep her eyes open. </p><p>His hands went up to her pussy, he delicately opened her up and used his thumb to circle her clit. He pushed three fingers back into her, reveling in the possessive way it seemed to suck them further in.</p><p>He kept on sucking her toe, and gently stroked her pleasure bud.</p><p>He listened in rapture to her growing moans and felt the tremble in her legs turn into a violent shake.</p><p>Her head started to thrash, and her breath became more ragged, he couldn’t believe the effect it was having on her.</p><p>‘No … Joe … ‘ </p><p>He was surprised to hear an objection.</p><p>‘N-no … aaahhh! … Joe, Joe … I want … need … you in me … inside … pleeesee … nn-aaaahhh … NO!’ </p><p>Her body and legs were now jerking uncontrollably, and he removed his mouth just before her foot came up.</p><p>OK then, he’d calmed down enough to grant her wish. </p><p>He removed both of his hands from her and secured her legs around his waist as he came back up on the bed.</p><p>He kneeled between her open legs looking down at her, savouring the way her chest heaved and how she was consumed with desire for him.</p><p>His love for her wound around his heart, constricting it. </p><p>He knew there would be a cost to this night, for both of them.</p><p>He slowly leaned forward and tenderly kissed her breasts and nibbled on her nipples, then he kissed his way back up, from her chest, past her throat and ending on her soft lips.</p><p>She moaned impatiently.</p><p>‘Hi,’ he said, a smile ghosting his lips, ‘OK?’ </p><p>She exhaled, ‘Yes, OK.’</p><p>He could feel how she ground her hips under him in eagerness.</p><p>‘Ready?’</p><p>‘Oh yeah.’</p><p>He used his hand to line himself up and pushed himself into her. </p><p>She quivered deliciously under him.</p><p>Fuck, he couldn’t get enough of this feeling.</p><p>Fuck, this could be the last time.</p><p>The realisation hit him hard and he stopped inside of her.</p><p>He couldn’t mask his feelings as he was inches above her hypnotic blue eyes.</p><p>She saw and started, ‘Joe … no …’</p><p>‘I know,’ he said softly, a lump coming to his throat, but he spoke through it, blinking back the unshed tears. He paused, ‘I just miss it … this … you … you know?’</p><p>There he’d said it.</p><p>Silence.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>Fuck!</p><p>She just kept staring at him.</p><p>Why did he say that? </p><p>He put her in a horrible position. </p><p>She was married.</p><p>He’d had years to come to terms with the fact that he wanted her in his life, here he was pushing her after a day, a magical day, but only just a day. </p><p>Well less than a day.</p><p>Was this how Simon had felt after he’d told him he loved him?</p><p>Rejected.</p><p>Crushed.</p><p>He couldn’t bear her eyes watching him and he buried himself in her neck, inhaling her scent, and tried to center himself again.</p><p>Friendship with her seemed even further away, he should have left her when he’d said goodbye.</p><p>He was too weak.</p><p>Fuck, Joe!</p><p>He felt his desire start to drop off and knew he would lose his erection if he continued this line of thought.</p><p>Instead, he focused on being inside of her, the desire he’d seen in her eyes moments before.</p><p>He felt her tense up.</p><p>This was not how he wanted the night, this special night, to end, and he was determined not to fuck it up.</p><p>Just breathe, breathe.</p><p>OK, OK, he could do this.</p><p>He carefully rearranged his face, something he’d done a thousand times before, at school, for his father, for presentations … hiding his true self behind a more acceptable mask.</p><p>He closed his eyes and imagined her writhing under him as he licked and kissed her most intimate parts.</p><p>He started kissing her neck, then moved up to her cheek and finding her mouth by instinct.</p><p>He started to fuck her, and he kept his eyes closed, seeing the imaginary, suppliant Cam, rather than risk the rejection of the actual one under him.</p><p>He broke off the kiss and pushed himself up on his arms and focused on thrusting in and out of her, hoping that the pleasure from before would return, for both of them. </p><p>After the third time, he heard her suck in her breath. But he feared some kind of reprimand, so he stubbornly kept his eyes closed. </p><p>He felt her nails dig into his back causing sweet pain, then her breasts pressed up against his chest.</p><p>Her lips crushed against his with an unexpected ferocity and she groaned into his mouth.</p><p>He was disconcerted, thinking he was still imagining it.</p><p>Strong legs wrapped around him and there was pressure on his butt, forcing him deeper with every thrust. His dick was squeezed by possessive internal muscles every time he entered her.</p><p>‘Ahhh, yes, Joe, that’s it. </p><p>			  Fuck me. </p><p>				       I love … it.</p><p>					          I want you.’    </p><p>He listened intently, still not quite believing it, until she moaned sensually right in his ear and her breath on his skin brought him out of his trance.</p><p>It was real.</p><p>He groaned loudly and he opened his eyes, finding hers burning with desire filling his vision. </p><p>The fictional Cam disappeared, and he moaned out passionately, ‘Ahhh, fuck, Cam ... ’</p><p>He began to thrust with a renewed vigour, forcing her back down on the bed, panting with effort.</p><p>Oh, yes.</p><p>‘Fuck me harder, Joe!’</p><p>Oh, God.</p><p>He was consumed by lust.</p><p>He buried his face in her pillow, next to hers. Her scent overwhelmed him, and he went to bite the pulse point on her neck.</p><p>He just managed to stop himself when he heard her guttural sigh.</p><p>He was driving into her and knew this could only have one outcome for both of them.</p><p> She felt it too as she shakily moaned his name, 'Joe, Joe ... aaahhh ... ‘</p><p>Oh fuck.</p><p>He seized her mouth, needing to devour her as he ground into her, enjoying the passion she responded with.</p><p>Cam …</p><p>They were moving in sync now and became a cacophony of grunts and moans as they both spiralled upwards.</p><p>He was trying everything to hold off, knowing she wasn’t quite there.</p><p>Fuck.</p><p>He wanted her to come first, but he was almost at the point of no return.</p><p>Oh fuck!</p><p>‘Cam, are you near? I can’t hold off much longer ...’ his voice was strained.</p><p>‘Nearly, wait for me,' she breathed.</p><p>He groaned, knowing his release was imminent.</p><p>'Put your fingers either side of my nipple, but don’t squeeze yet.’ she said urgently.</p><p>He followed her instructions and covered her right breast, and she slipped her hand on top of his.</p><p>'OK, take us home,' she instructed, and he dutifully began slamming into her.</p><p>Jesus …</p><p>Her hips raised up to meet each of his violent thrusts and she moaned loudly when he was fully inside.</p><p>Nearly, nearly … was she close?</p><p>He could only tersely utter her name, 'Cam ...?’ </p><p>'Aaahhh ... aaahhhh ... don’t stop!’</p><p>With her permission, he surrendered himself to his climax and started pumping even faster, her tightness created a friction that made him see stars. </p><p>He pushed his hips brutally into her and was almost shouting in his release, ‘Ahh … fuck, yes, yes … grr-aaahhhh …‘</p><p>As he came, he felt her hand squeeze his, crushing her nipple between his fingers. </p><p>It was as though he’d pressed a button as her whole body was forced up against his, the contraction seemed to ripple down straight inside of her and triggered her orgasm as it met the convulsions of his.</p><p>He felt her buck and jerk under him, and their flesh melded together into one. </p><p>The raw power of their climaxes crashed against each other, extending and multiplying them.</p><p>He could only hold on and ride out the intense sensations.</p><p>Oh fucking hell ... yes ... yes.</p><p>He collapsed onto to her, panting heavily. </p><p>As usual, he finished first, but he enjoyed her waning quivers that pulsed around his dick, caressing and sucking it into to her. They had the effect of maintaining his hardness despite his body starting to release the blood.</p><p>Oh God.</p><p>As they lay there entwined, basking in the afterglow, he tenderly kissed her cheek and then her lips and he pushed himself up onto his elbows, to look at her. </p><p>Her eyes half-opened as she felt him move, with a small, satisfied smile on her face.</p><p>Gorgeous.</p><p>‘So, you can have nipple orgasms now?’ he asked, cocking an eyebrow at her.</p><p>‘What?’ opening her eyes and blearily focusing on him.</p><p>‘It’s when they’re stimulated, like this ...’ and he pinched her nipple with his fingers.</p><p>She immediately was forced up against him as her core tensed involuntarily, 'Aaahhh,' and she fell back into pillow with a ‘thud.’</p><p>‘And they cause, that,’ as he did it again.</p><p>‘Aaahhhh, hey!’</p><p>'Huh … interesting,' and he squeezed a third time and held on longer. </p><p>'Aahhh, Joe!’ as she helplessly spasmed up against him until he released her nipple.</p><p>'Uhh...aahhh ... owww, my head!’ as she crashed back into the pillow again.</p><p>He pressed his other hand firmly on her sternum, just below her throat and leaned his weight on her, effectively pinning her down and pinched again. She contracted violently, shuddering again, eyes closed and whimpering, but her head stayed on the pillow this time.</p><p>Each time, he felt her contractions on his slowly deflating cock, and it’d made him groan too.</p><p>‘Aaaahhhh, Joe!’ she practically screamed, and he released her. </p><p>‘Enough … no more, please, Joe,’ she said panting heavily.</p><p>‘OK,’ and he leaned down and gave her tortured bud a gentle kiss, ‘I wished I’d known about that earlier …'</p><p>‘I don’t!’ she said, and he grinned showing his teeth, coming forward and to claim her mouth.</p><p>But before he got there, he quickly squeezed her other nipple, delighting in her scream as she convulsed again. She quivered under him until he let her go. </p><p>‘Aaahhhh … you … asshole!’ </p><p>‘Sorry, sorry,’ he apologised but it was lost in his laughter, ‘I just had to see if it was both.’</p><p>‘Yes, both, thank you,’ she said sarcastically, but she was smiling too, ‘OK, get off me, you big oaf!’ and she tried and failed to kick her legs, spread as they were by his. She pushed on his arms to release her, and then her hands went to her breasts as he moved.</p><p>‘OK, OK,’ he smiled and rolled onto his side pulling her with him. </p><p>They were looking at each other as they lay side by side. Her head ended up in the crook of his arm, with his hand resting lightly on her shoulder, and his other went to hold one of hers, which were still held protectively in front of her poor dark red nipples.</p><p>Her face was in shadow as her back was to the window, and he struggled to read her expression in the darkness.</p><p>He could see her beautiful eyes shining in the low light, looking back at him and he wanted to know what she was thinking.</p><p>There’d been times in the past when he could look at her and read her thoughts, but now he was too afraid to ask, to break the spell.</p><p>She exhaled. </p><p>Was that in regret? </p><p>The next moment, he saw her eyes start to close.</p><p>OK, maybe she was just tired, it was pretty late. This wasn’t a usual occurrence for him either nowadays.</p><p>He was transported back to another time, staying up together, fucking, lost in each other.</p><p>‘Cam,’ he whispered urgently, ‘Hey, Cam, get in bed first.’ </p><p>‘Hmmm … ?’ she sleepily asked as he got up and pulled the sheet out from her prone form. She shivered and started to hug herself. </p><p>He always ran a higher temperature than her and quickly returned to wrap himself around her pulling the sheet over them both. </p><p>He loved the softness of her skin and he let his fingers caress her back.</p><p>They were sharing the same pillow and he could feel her breath warming his throat and chest.  </p><p>He felt her snuggle into him more and her body relaxed against his.</p><p>Blissful, he thought.</p><p>It warmed his heart, but at the same time, broke it.</p><p>Knowing it was fleeting. </p><p>He fought his own tiredness, he wanted to stay wake and enjoy it, enjoy her.</p><p>He focused on every detail, so he could remember it later.</p><p>‘Cam, wake me before you leave, OK?’ he whispered, he didn’t know if she was asleep already, ‘Hey … Cam, wake me, OK?’ </p><p>He gently shook her and waited, ‘Uh-huh …’ she said sleepily.</p><p>He took that as a yes and allowed her rest.</p><p>He listened as her breathing started to change as she slipped away from consciousness, away from him.</p><p>How would tomorrow look? She was going back to Tokyo, and he had no idea when he’d see her again. </p><p>Could he even contact her? It wasn’t as if they had anything in common any more. </p><p>Work had been their only connection before, Cardiff and Mutiny, and when he asked her help finding Ryan.</p><p>Poor Ryan … no, stop. He wouldn't allow himself to think of him now.</p><p>She was all that mattered.</p><p>Would she think of him when she was back, or would he be forgotten as she got on with her life with her husband? </p><p>He knew he’d be stuck thinking of her.</p><p>A wave of emotion came bubbling up and he thought his heart would burst.</p><p>He felt a lump come back into his throat. </p><p>He figured she was asleep now and pressed his lips softly to her forehead and sighed.</p><p>He swallowed hard and blinked back his tears.</p><p>He didn’t understand what it was about her that got him like this.</p><p>He was in awe of her. </p><p>But she burned so brightly, he was a moth to her flame.</p><p>He remembered her pleading question in a taxi, an age ago, ‘Are you going to get bored of me?’ when he was reeling from the news that Simon was dying.</p><p>She’d made it plain in just a few months later that in the fickleness of youth, she’d grown bored of him. </p><p>Her rejection had been the most crushing thing he’d ever felt.</p><p>He replayed what she’d said on the mezzanine earlier, ‘I don’t think you should deprive the world of what you do … you bring people together … you create change … I think that’s really great.’</p><p>Was she saying, he was finally good enough to deserve her? </p><p>Until now, he’d never felt it.</p><p>He knew he was, if only Fate would give them another chance.</p><p>He kissed her again, letting his lips stay pressed against the top of her head and he pulled her further into him, she simpered into his chest. He moved his hand from her shoulder up into her hair, cupping her head.</p><p>He would face whatever tomorrow and Fate brought him and carry on, as he always did.</p><p>He let sleep claim him.</p><p>------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p><p>Home - 8.40 p.m. </p><p>Joe got out of the bath and dried himself off. </p><p>He wrapped the towel round himself and with practiced efficiency, wiped the bath down.</p><p>He drained the last of his red wine and went to wash the glass up in kitchen.</p><p>He was tired not only from the long night with Cam, but his mind was whirling about the memo and the opportunities it might bring.</p><p>He wondered what Donna’s reaction would be to his involvement and if Cam had even told her. </p><p>He suspected not impressed for the former and not a chance for the latter. </p><p>He didn’t know what the next step was going to be with Cam, her being in Japan, and he and Donna in Cali. He guessed he’d find out in a few days.</p><p>In the meantime, he’d make a start anyway. He’d sleep on it tonight and make a plan tomorrow. </p><p>He’d call Gordon as well, it’d be good to reconnect with him. It’d been far too long.</p><p>Returning to the bathroom to brush his teeth, rolling up the toothpaste tube from the bottom automatically. </p><p>He pushed work from his mind and thought about the night before. </p><p>About Cam.</p><p>He wondered where she was now. </p><p>He’d calculated she had about another 6 hours in the air, so she was probably over halfway across the Pacific, speeding further away from him every second.</p><p>His heart felt heavy as he headed to his bedroom.</p><p>Getting into bed he turned the light off and laid down in the darkness.</p><p>His body relaxed and he closed his eyes. </p><p>All thoughts of the future temporarily on hold, he’d think about it tomorrow.</p><p>He let his mind drift back to the previous night in her bed.</p><p>He felt his cock respond and he finally allowed his hand to drift down his torso to attend to his growing hard on.</p><p>-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------</p>
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